Tag Archives: union with divine

How Resilient Can One Be?

How many times in one lifetime can one completely start over? Can one just pick up and move forward with minimal support after each dramatic change – with little money, no caretakers, and no elder family? Can one start over – and over again – while still honing empathy, compassion, and care for all Life?

I’ve come to understand that I am such an experiment. After my transformation, I’ve noticed a gradual surrender of my life to the overall Life process – the invisible web of interconnections that is all of us. It became impossible to hold on to my life as someone who needed to get something to feel whole. I am already whole. Each time I am in a situation of significant change, I am forced to give up more comfort and more outside support. I am alive to show that complete resilience through surrender to Life is possible while still participating in everyday life.

I came to this country from the poverty of another – only to land in poverty again. I have survived rape as a child. I graduated high school two years earlier than my peers. I chose an extremely challenging technical major in college and went on to get a graduate degree in this field as a woman – when few women ventured into such fields. I’ve played classical piano competively. I’ve lived through 3 marriages, and lost almost everything in the first two. I know what it feels like to lose a child and to get him back – the instincts and love of a mother. I’ve had emotionally distant parents, with whom I’ve lost touch. I’ve had intense jobs, where I worked 60-80 hour weeks for sustained periods of time. I made and lost large sums of money. I’ve had challenges feeling like any place was home, that any group could be family, and that anything can feel “secure.” The few people with whom I shared my life think that I’ve lived many lives, did too many things – they get tired just imagining what I’ve pushed through.

When the transformation occurred about a decade ago, after a brief few months of bliss, there were still dramatic changes to my being. And then – relocation, change of career, challenges finding work, illness, challenges of putting my family on a stable financial track, and more transformation. I have often found myself feeling like living was unbearable.

Each time the rug was pulled from under my feet, I had a choice to give up or to get up again. And that became my life.

To say that I am an experiment sounds sterile and clinical, but it is not. I can feel and understand what Life is trying to discover through my existence. It wants to know if enlightenment can coexist with the nonenlightened beings so that more and more enlightened people can walk the world and spark transformation. We are entering an era when enlightened beings can no longer afford to hide in the mountains.

The only way for me to fail is to stop, but I cannot do that. It is no longer possible for me to even make that choice. I must complete this life to carve a path for others. Each of us does that – carves a path – when we embrace our unique experiment fully and surrender to living it completely.

When life situations are constantly unstable in basic human terms, it is a kind of trauma on the psyche. The challenge then becomes to adjust to being constant change without balking or breaking, without shutting down the ability to feel everything, and still continuing to love life.

The enlightened state turns up the volume on everything going on in the world. The stream of input of people’s experiences pouring in and through is neverending. However, the gift is that nothing “sticks” to drag one down to a place of no return. Laughter, humor, and joy are not only possible – they are prevalent. There is no cynicism or sarcasm. There is no making light of challenging situations. All of this is a flow that is endlessly surrendered to the Life Stream.

Am I perfect and flawless in my execution? Not at all. I stumble a lot, and fall even more. I learn from every interaction and untangle from life’s dysfunctional and impacted blueprints that have been established by countless generations. I suppose it helps that I am no longer capable of hating myself as I face obstacles.

Perhaps self-love and transformation are two sides of the same coin – one is not possible without the other. I am not talking about adoring oneself or artificially propping one’s self up to feel good. Instead, I am describing a fundamental care and the valuing of oneself that can only come from giving up a sense of investment in life to get something from it. Paradoxically, self-love comes by erasing the need to fulfill and fortify an identity, and instead reorienting the being to embrace the messy and dynamic life process as it is. Learning without judgement. Loving without neediness. Letting go without giving up.

An Interesting Thing About Life Is…

Life is sacred. A deeper understanding of what this means requires merging with the flow of Life and ceasing to be a personality, or an eddy in the current.

Being Life itself means seeing yourself in All as yourself – not as a narcissist, but as a being without an identity other than the Whole.

Wherever you look, whatever you touch – it is but an aspect of Life, and you are Life. You are the flow of Life, and not a container. You are a living embodiment of everything there is, and thus you are no one as One.

While this may sound like word play, I assure you that it is not. Human beings have been talking about attaining Union (Yuj, or Yoga) for at least thousands of years.

Union with what? The mysterious Divine, which defies verbal description and analysis. It is Union with every expression of the Divine – every person, every plant, every chunk of matter, every particle, and even space itself. Union is not about perceived scale or size – nothing is too big or too small for consciousness!

An interesting thing about Union while in a human body is the ability to reflect the Divine to the Divine. Just as we seek to gain self-understanding through self-reflection prior to Union, the Divine wishes to know Itself through all manifestation. The latter transcends specific life events and personality traits, but the yearning for reflection remains true at all levels of consciousness. Without the human body (after death), Union remains, but the ability to reflect this Union is limited.

What is it like to look around and feel that All is a fragment of the Divine? I am not describing a temporary experience here, but a stable state that has permanently pierced the perception of separation….

First, you no longer feel like a person bounded by characteristics and traits. Instead, you can only describe yourself as a mystery. You are impersonal in all relationships, but paradoxically express deep love and caring. All definition of “yourself” has ceased and deceased. When perception transforms, it does feel like both death and birth.

Also, you no longer fear death while fully valuing every precious connection to the Life Stream. You are both the eternal ocean of now and the fragment that reflects this awareness to the Whole. Again, a seeming paradox.

Then, you cannot help the outpouring of the desire to relate to all aspects of the Divine. People call this love, but it is not an emotion. Rather, it is a kind of shining expression – both an outpouring and a giving. This expression is powerfully felt by others – on many levels and to varying degrees. It affects body, emotions, mind, relationship to self and others, and catalyzes the capacity for growth in others.

Such outpouring is transformative because it communicates to all the knowledge of Union, and serves as a reminder of what has been forgotten but is already known.

Your life is no longer “your” life – the concept of ownership vanishes. And yet – paradoxically – there is a clarity of boundaries for inappropriate styles of relating among the various fragments of the Divine. It’s a “no-bullshit” statement, portrayed by your form, voice, energy, and eye contact – all derived naturally from continuous awareness of Life Stream dynamics.

You may seem clairvoyant and clairaudient, but that is just a natural by-product of identifying with the Life Stream. You never manipulate, but always explore what already is. If there is a mess, you work to clean it up (when allowed by Life dynamics).

The running theme is that the state of Union is likely to appear as a paradox to the rational mind because It transcends the mind. This limitation of the mind is why intelligence and mental processing do not lead to enlightenment.

Existence becomes decision-making by intuition, rather than rigorous mental analysis. Many misinterpret intuition as a faulty “gut” reaction, and claim that rational and logical thinking is more reliable. This is true when intuition is still trapped by ego. However, when ego drowns in love, intuition becomes flash insight that immediately knows all parts and their relationships, the past and future possibilities, and the lack of attachment to any of it.

Electric circuits are a good analogy to honed intuition. When a circuit is closed, the electric field informs all parts of the circuit about their relationship at the speed of light. The circuit components do their thing, and the right amount of current flows. The components do what they do whether they are aware of the electric field or not. The Life Stream is much like this electric field, and pure intuition is awareness of the Life Stream by us as the “components of one-life circuit or network.”

The interesting thing about Life is that it is only knowable when you become Life, but then you lose the capacity to describe Life in words. Instead, you shine – day in and day out. You “talk” by being the light. Thus, the only thing that remains to do is to live.

In the state of Union, there is a small window where one retains the capacity to directly relate to most people. As transformation continues, such an individual loses the ability to be a relatable “person.” Thus, this being trains others to be of service so that the chain of relationships continues.

There is a myth that enlightenment makes one feel only bliss. While this may be true during solitude, interactions with the world and human dynamics are far from blissful. People want love so much, typically hate themselves, and attack anyone who defies their world view. Hence, navigating such waters is uncomfortable and even painful for an enlightened being. However, there is no one to identify with the pain, and any suffering is impersonal. That is also interesting….