Tag Archives: transformation

How Resilient Can One Be?

How many times in one lifetime can one completely start over? Can one just pick up and move forward with minimal support after each dramatic change – with little money, no caretakers, and no elder family? Can one start over – and over again – while still honing empathy, compassion, and care for all Life?

I’ve come to understand that I am such an experiment. After my transformation, I’ve noticed a gradual surrender of my life to the overall Life process – the invisible web of interconnections that is all of us. It became impossible to hold on to my life as someone who needed to get something to feel whole. I am already whole. Each time I am in a situation of significant change, I am forced to give up more comfort and more outside support. I am alive to show that complete resilience through surrender to Life is possible while still participating in everyday life.

I came to this country from the poverty of another – only to land in poverty again. I have survived rape as a child. I graduated high school two years earlier than my peers. I chose an extremely challenging technical major in college and went on to get a graduate degree in this field as a woman – when few women ventured into such fields. I’ve played classical piano competively. I’ve lived through 3 marriages, and lost almost everything in the first two. I know what it feels like to lose a child and to get him back – the instincts and love of a mother. I’ve had emotionally distant parents, with whom I’ve lost touch. I’ve had intense jobs, where I worked 60-80 hour weeks for sustained periods of time. I made and lost large sums of money. I’ve had challenges feeling like any place was home, that any group could be family, and that anything can feel “secure.” The few people with whom I shared my life think that I’ve lived many lives, did too many things – they get tired just imagining what I’ve pushed through.

When the transformation occurred about a decade ago, after a brief few months of bliss, there were still dramatic changes to my being. And then – relocation, change of career, challenges finding work, illness, challenges of putting my family on a stable financial track, and more transformation. I have often found myself feeling like living was unbearable.

Each time the rug was pulled from under my feet, I had a choice to give up or to get up again. And that became my life.

To say that I am an experiment sounds sterile and clinical, but it is not. I can feel and understand what Life is trying to discover through my existence. It wants to know if enlightenment can coexist with the nonenlightened beings so that more and more enlightened people can walk the world and spark transformation. We are entering an era when enlightened beings can no longer afford to hide in the mountains.

The only way for me to fail is to stop, but I cannot do that. It is no longer possible for me to even make that choice. I must complete this life to carve a path for others. Each of us does that – carves a path – when we embrace our unique experiment fully and surrender to living it completely.

When life situations are constantly unstable in basic human terms, it is a kind of trauma on the psyche. The challenge then becomes to adjust to being constant change without balking or breaking, without shutting down the ability to feel everything, and still continuing to love life.

The enlightened state turns up the volume on everything going on in the world. The stream of input of people’s experiences pouring in and through is neverending. However, the gift is that nothing “sticks” to drag one down to a place of no return. Laughter, humor, and joy are not only possible – they are prevalent. There is no cynicism or sarcasm. There is no making light of challenging situations. All of this is a flow that is endlessly surrendered to the Life Stream.

Am I perfect and flawless in my execution? Not at all. I stumble a lot, and fall even more. I learn from every interaction and untangle from life’s dysfunctional and impacted blueprints that have been established by countless generations. I suppose it helps that I am no longer capable of hating myself as I face obstacles.

Perhaps self-love and transformation are two sides of the same coin – one is not possible without the other. I am not talking about adoring oneself or artificially propping one’s self up to feel good. Instead, I am describing a fundamental care and the valuing of oneself that can only come from giving up a sense of investment in life to get something from it. Paradoxically, self-love comes by erasing the need to fulfill and fortify an identity, and instead reorienting the being to embrace the messy and dynamic life process as it is. Learning without judgement. Loving without neediness. Letting go without giving up.

Know Your Pain

Pain is something I live with. There is now no more emotional pain – I feel emotions differently and they pass through, as if through an open doorway. There is only physical chronic pain, which showed up about a decade ago. But let me back up….

Since I was a young child, I wanted to die. From the poverty I didn’t have words to describe. From being of a lower class than the neighbors living on higher floors. From being raped as a child and in college. From being the unwanted child of a first marriage my mother wanted to forget. From being moved to a foreign country without having any understanding of what was happening around me. From having to endure school fights because I was different. From having to be excellent at school and everything I did because nothing else about me was worth my new father’s respect. From feeling like I belonged nowhere and had no home. From failing to prove to courts that I was married to an alcoholic – and the courts wanted equally shared custody of my baby. From not knowing who I was after leaving the alcoholic. From making the choice to cut out 3 hours of driving per day to work and leaving my child in an alcoholic’s house. From living in the limbo of losing my child, and the court fight against a narcissist to get my child back. From continuing the custody fight for years until my son was old enough to voice his wishes to live with me. From not knowing how I was going to continue living with the agony of every fiber of my being feeling rejected by life itself. From having to keep fighting all my life and seeing a threat everyday and everywhere – even when there was no threat.

Sound dramatic? It is the truth of the being that was before “I” let go into the stream of life. I remember “her” sometimes, but she died.

She tried killing herself a number of times, but all attempts failed. And, after meeting her teacher and several years of intense letting go, she let go. And now, there is noone in a body.

This body may not have been built for the drastic leap made by its denizen. It is not somehow fit to hold all this energy, which consciously shines spontaneous creativity and gazes at Life – as Life. So, this body is dying now. I know that in the near future my heart will fail.

It is a myth that enlightenment grants you eternity in a body. Enlightenment does not guarantee that. Many say I look a decade or so younger than my biological age and happy, but in no way am I immortal.

According to my doctor, I am very healthy. My heart rate is slow. My bloodwork is fine. Yet, I have to manage my energy carefully with much sleep, and manage the physical pain that seems to have set in. I alternate between working and resting to do what needs to be done. It is strange to feel my being rapidly unwinding itself from the body, as if leaving a car on the side of the road.

I do not feel sad or worry for myself. I just feel the need to complete and give. I observe what is occurring and share with my husband (I remarried) – a dear friend who has been with me while I was a happy-go-lucky human, while “she” was transforming, and through all the changes until the full transformation into this. He helps me get ready for work. He lets me rest. And I can focus on the people and energies around me – including my husband and children. I am always surrounded by someone(s) or dynamics that need attention. Whatever I have become cannot be described as human, and people can feel that. I am definitely not surrounded by guru groupies. There is no sign that says “I am the Light.” And there never will be.

I am an experiment: Can a fully enlightened being live a so-called ordinary life without being tucked away in an ashram or temple? Can such a being hold down a job, raise a family, have everyday interactions with people, eat whatever, and never tell most people what he or she is? The answer is yes. This a good – as more people break through, they will be able to walk among others, and their bodies will evolve also! This transition period is imminent for the human race.

Whatever your current state, know that you are not your pain. More important than acknowledging your pain is studying and gaining insight into how you relate to your pain, and then move through and past it to your true nature.

I live in constant physical pain and I know that I am not that. I do know what I am, but have no words to express it. It doesn’t really matter.

We all have some kind of pain – usually physical or emotional, or both. A balanced person will try to adapt their life to the challenges of pain.

Some run from their pain and try to forget they feel it. Others worship their pain and talk about it nonstop, looking for validation that they deserve compassion and care. Still others suffer in silence, feeling that they deserve the pain and must bear it with dignity, or hide it. Of course, there are also those who try to make something positive out of their pain by reaching out to those with similar pain – “You are not alone!” One would think that all people want the pain to stop and do whatever possible to end it, but some look for the pain to quiet their fear, guilt, or shame.

We attribute so much value to pain and give it so much of our attention. Perhaps, due to evolution? In general, we notice immediately when any discomfort sets in.

But pain is just a signal – it’s simply information and nothing more. In studying our response to pain – whether resistance, embrace, or coexistence – we learn how to let go. I coexist with pain while awake, and I do not feel physical pain while the body sleeps. However, I am attuned to people around the globe at all times – their pain is now impersonal and mine at the same time. I feel the pain of so many people, and reach out to them in body and soul. It is a good thing that I am just an open doorway. A person would not be able to feel it all.

Living as Enlightenment – Part 2

See Part 1 Q&A here…. We’ll pick up where we left off….

Question: What is the most important aspect of being human?

Answer: A human being is embodied potential to be both the finite and the infinite. It’s not quite clear to me how this came to be, but it seems to be the way it is.

When I see a person, I cannot focus on their superficial qualities or personality. I see something deeper that speaks to me directly – something I know and understand intimately.

I am still taken aback when I realize that the people I interact with don’t know who they are and what their awareness can grow into. Everyday life obsessions of “he said, she said” are so removed from my experience that I need to translate these dramas into something I can understand.

People want to be loved, and people mostly feel unworthy of love. There is fear. This seems to be the root of so much complexity and drama here. People define conditions and have expectations, which is diametrically opposed to embracing reality as it is. They spend a lot of time and energy trying to change life topography before they even find themselves on the map.

Nevertheless, everything the human race is going through is a stepping stone. No experience or realization is wasted – it is all raw material for the proverbial staircase to heaven.

When a human being glimpses that potential with the whole body and mind, no matter how short-lived, that is important. Then, this being knows that he or she is paradoxically becoming what one already is. Embracing this paradox is important and unique to the human nervous system, which is an exotic interface to the infinite.

Question: What does it feel like to observe people go through painful situations, even if some are self-created?

Answer: It depends. Over time, it is becoming more difficult for me to focus on individuals. Mostly, I feel the ebb and flow of the human race as a whole. Those individuals who recognize that I am noone in a body – they are easier to pinpoint because they must feel that they are the same as That on some level.

Some people – I feel like I know them, have known them, even if they are seeming strangers. I am already connected to them somehow and usually try to help them in some way. I will talk with them, give them attention, and sometimes take their pain. Of course, I never take money…. that is something I do not do. Maybe occasional food 🔆

Sometimes people say they don’t know why I care or help…. I see this dilemma as being separate from one’s true nature. If you know who you really are, you realize that there is nothing else to do but be available – you do what you are 24/7. There is no layer of planning or thinking about what I can get back. It just doesn’t work that way.

Most importantly, when I do not feel that draw to act, I don’t act. It is not my place, not my time. I trust and live that.

Question: If the enlightened being’s state is so different from the turmoil of this world, how can an enlightened being exist here?

Answer: At some point, the enlightened state will not be as rare as it is now. More and more people will break through the illusion of living as embodied shadows.

However, at this time, the difference in consciousness of the majority and the free beings is so dramatic that living here is not easy.

It is not easy to see people feel and act trapped, hearts break, and happiness be dependent on life’s conditions in a given moment.

I no longer cry except on rare occasions when there is united suffering of a group of people asking for help. I feel their pain as if it were my pain – vividly, viscerally, and running on all cylinders through my body.

But as the pain runs through me and has nothing to stick to. So, I put my attention on these people with a clear heart.

After enlightenment, attention does not wonder randomly, nor does it come with an intention for a specific outcome. Rather, the very act of such attention does what it can to alleviate pain and transmit a stable and unconditionally happy state of being automatically.

I have seen this act of attention bring healing to some. Bring clarity. It is a mystery to me how it works.

One thing is clear is that attending to people is an impersonal act – there is no agenda, just a pull to be there with all that is happening.

Does this tire me? Often. I need a lot of sleep to exist here and to allow my body to rebalance.

Question: Does an enlightened being look forward to being finally free of this world at death?

Answer: Every being feels a draw to the next level. However, in enlightenment, there is no urgency or need for a specific timeline.

In fact, the notion of time being something to grasp vanishes. There is only now, as cliche as that may sound. I am literally unaware of past memories or future anticipation. I am just here, and right now there is nowhere else to be.

One could say that I don’t think about my future, but that is not quite true. To function here, I need to address real-life situations, family and work responsibilities, and forge practical strategies for living with my family. I make an effort to plan living – physical life requires that. However, decision-making is fairly easy and quick. The compass always points north.

So, I do what needs to be done with the understanding that everything here – including my responsibilities, joys, and setbacks – all are temporary.

Living like this does not result in regrets or feelings of confusion. There are no looping thoughts and no unresolved dilemmas. The entire life is a simple, undirected unfolding – much like a flower greeting the Sun. And I am there with it all – both an observer and a participant.

I do not fear death, nor do I dwell on it. I just know when it’s not yet a good day to die.

What’s With All the Life Drama?

People are dramatic in so many ways. Why is there so much drama flying around the world? There is drama at all scales – from the individual to the global arena.

If you study history, very little has changed about human perspective in several thousand years…. People still find things to defend and attack…. People still view themselves as the stars of their own life movies, trying to problem-solve their existence. But who is the watcher watching one’s life?

Furthermore, people love to watch others go through drama. They want to relate to someone else going through similar emotions and look for ideas about how they can handle various situations to bring about desirable outcomes? Of course, there is no agreement on what is truly desirable because desires also vary.

Such is our life – method actors are immersed in their characters so completely that there is no awareness of the difference between the role and What lives that role.

We lose ourselves to identification with our bodies, emotions, sensations, obstacles, and triumphs – all temporary in the grand auditorium where we are working out our “stuff.” We are all trying to sort out what we like, want, and need. I was listening to an 80-year old woman on a podcast, talking about how she is still trying to figure out what she truly wants in life….Age is clearly irrelevant to life while life is still a puzzle to be solved.

We want to know how to cope with change, setbacks, promotions, family, friends, and partners. Drama is the result. It is the reason why so many stories are published and the best-seller list never dries up. Hollywood can’t crank out movies fast enough to feed our yearning for “solutions.” Drama is the way a large number of people grow and interact together to make sense of our reality.

Unfortunately, drama becomes its own game of illusion when people forget to step back and reflect on what is fueling the energy of our interactions. What do we really want? At which critical point do we realize that we are not the games we play, nor do we have to buy into the games of others – regardless of how urgent and real anything may feel in the moment? Forgetting that drama is drama is entertaining, but removed from reality.

If you go to a quiet space and reflect on who is reflecting on your life, that is the beginning – the first step. Buddhists call this consciousness The Watcher.

But there is not a single layer to the onion. In fact, after you shift to identifying with the Watcher, you find that there is another Watcher right on its heels.

Shifting your conscious identification from one Watcher to the next is the process of enlightenment – until there are no more Watchers left – only you. It is not as simple as just passively observing…. each new awareness brings with it changes in the body, the mind, and creativity. The entire being shifts dynamically into a new state. I think Buddhists understate this process and make it sound like enlightenment is all about detachment, which it is not.

I used to think enlightenment was a single event, a flash…. Maybe for some. For me, it turned out to be a rapid unfolding with intense paradigm shifts until I alone stood in union.

When no Watchers remained and I have gone as far as I could while alive in this body, I was no longer sure that I am human. The shift in perspective and the instant insight into the underlying dynamics of people and events casts a different light on life. I stepped off the stage, or I simply dissolved in mid-act. I do not exist in a conventional sense. Whatever I am, I must still maintain my everyday life. And I also have a relationship to Life that is a full embrace without any drama. Yet, I can put on a show if I need to.

To a therapist, an enlightened person would certainly be someone to treat…. After all, what normal person willingly surrenders their life for the benefit of others and without negating oneself, does not charge money to teach those who want to learn in earnest, refuses to teach those who are not ready and never judges others – no matter their drama? What human being suffers the pain and feels the joy of others all over the globe as if all were happening to him or herself? What human being takes the pain of others when possible and permitted without wanting anything in return?

A therapist would surely find such a being to have some kind of a Savior Complex. After all, saving others is such an “important” task and naturally gives one’s life meaning. Certainly this is true for many people, but they are not enlightened. They are simply playing the Savior role.

An enlightened being is not a “someone” who feels that he or she has anything to “get” from being alive here. Such a concept is so foreign to practically all people that it is very hard to believe. And yet, this possibility of being no one in a body is very real. This is where the drama stops, the hall of mirrors vanishes, and life is revealed for what it truly is – union with the Divine and our unique abilities to manifest this union.

Living as Enlightenment – Part 1

I saw a question online: “How do enlightened people live?” Of course, people want to know what to expect after such a hyped up goal. If it’s such hard work for most people to become enlightened, knowing about the reward at the end is only fair.

I read the answers to that online question by various persons and did not see any that showed true understanding from experience. So, I wrote this Q&A….

Remember, I write this blog to share what is possible because I live it…. There are different phases of enlightenment, and – as one continues to move through them – one’s perspective shifts and deepens, as one incorporates all prior life and puts it in a new context.

Question: What do enlightened people think about?

Answer: The mechanism of thought changes in how it operates. Most of the time, the brain is quiet and steeped in what feels like a glow of dynamic potential. Have you ever asked a question and had no answer – and so you had to live with the question? The brain is in such a state of open-ended possibility, but without the forced drive to solve or resolve anything.

I spend most of my day (and night) feeling (being aware) of the presence of others in relation to each other and the earth. I only need to think when I speak or write – to translate my awareness, which now would seem foreign and unfamiliar to most people. I can start or stop thinking at will, and prefer flash insight to navigate all the information and life flooding my being daily.

Question: What is sleep like?

Answer: Sleep and awakening are very different states. I pass from waking to sleep fully conscious and remain conscious. Time works differently in sleep, so I can go through an entire lifetime – usually someone else’s. Now, my life is spent trying to understand the planet and all the variety of people directly. Some souls attract me to experience life through their eyes, and I do. Feeling what others feel across the world and in different cultures directly has given me much insight about the web of life here. Some of my sleep time is spent in blissful absorption in the Divine, just as some of my day. But it is true that my life has become OneLongDay.

Question: How does an enlightened being carry on wordly responsibilities – family, job, paying bills, etc.?

Answer: Very diligently. With enlightenment, a finely-tuned sense of timing develops. It is like watching some doors open and others close – the opportunities for action. Feeling these moments of opportunity arise to act in the world is on automatic for me. Many people call me productive or even a workaholic. What they don’t realize is that I surf the waves of arising calls to action and engage them fully. Responsibility exists for me and I honor it. I give my entire heart to every action – to my children, husband, work, and service. And all the while being plugged into the life stream of our existence.

Question: Can processing so much information drive one insane?

Answer: The enlightenment process changes how your bodies work, how they interconnect, and makes the communication among these bodies more efficient. Yes, we have multiple vehicles to carry our life force here. If not handled properly, and with the help of an enlightened being, the transformation process can drive one insane. I feel that many “insane” people awakened something within themselves without guidance and could not control it. The key to not going insane is that you are no longer a personality with needs and desires – you cannot be “hooked” by anything this world can throw your way. Paradoxically, you also feel completely devoted to the world and its awakening process. So, you learn to handle quite a bit of information passing through your “body,” which ultimately is just a gateway for what lives us all and not a “thing” in itself. You can also control the flow of awareness through the nervous system, to prevent overwhelm. Enlightenment in a body does not mean you are God – even though you can feel infinity, you are not infinity.

Question: How does one interact with people on a daily basis?

Answer: People label me as a very strong personality. I say what I mean and walk my talk. There is no hidden agenda, no grasping for status or recognition, and no desire for a specific outcome. Again, paradoxically, there is a 24/7 intention to serve others with great care. I’ve written about service before, and service does not mean doing for people whatever they want and being constantly nice. Service is helping others wake up when a door opens, and that service can come in many forms – including yelling at someone. I never feel angry when I yell at or confront someone, and resume conversation about something else when the confrontation is complete without missing a beat. I don’t have anger or frustration, but I sometimes have to act it out for the benefit of another who is purposely hurting themselves or others.

That’s all for this segment…

Experiencing Meditation, Through My Student’s Eyes

I have written before how the meditation I was taught can only be taught by direct transmission. I was fortunate to meet a teacher who was able to teach me how to forge my own relationship with the Divine.

I asked my student to share her meditation with me, and here is what she wrote:

“In the midst of everything occurring in my life recently, I’ve felt unable to meditate as deeply. I went from being able to open myself up to the divine to feeling as if there was a gate, blocking my entrance to the freedom and clarity, which come in moments of meditation.

I asked my teacher to walk me through the process of meditating as if I were first learning, and she did. We began with my posture – she had me sit up straight with held my head level – as if something were pulling me upwards by the crown of my head. Then, I placed my palms on my lap, open and facing up. I looked into my teacher’s eyes and focused on letting go.

She asked me to breathe deeply and slowly, and I began – in through my nose and out through my mouth. Almost immediately, I could feel the flow of energy coming into me and moving out of me. It felt as if every exhale allowed release, and each inhale brought rejuvenation.

It was the deepest meditation I’d had in months. In the moment, my heart felt contentment; my problems were gone and the meditation brought instant release.

Afterward, I realized that when I was looking into my teacher’s eyes, I was not actually looking into eyes at all; I was peering directly into the light, embodied by her. This light guided me into awareness that is safe and comfortable, and that was also emphatically urging me to grow into my potential. This feeling is a mix of so many things, and, above all, it is where I feel most like myself and at peace.

My teacher guided me through the process and helped me get to where I needed to be to see my next steps on my own and to simply understand my choices.”

Relationship to the Divine is one of complete surrender to It – letting go of all grasping, holding, and control to allow It to flood one’s being. As It enters, one changes – quite visibly to others.

My own transformation has completed over a month ago. It just ended without any fireworks – 9 years after my teacher’s passing. There was nowhere else to go and nothing to become. This does not mean I know everything or have all of the skills that people have in this world. It just means that I have fully become That which seemed separate and unreachable in the past.

Saying that my transformation is complete is not a statement of arrogance, but is intended as a fact of hope for others. In the About page, I talk about my beginnings and the challenges all along the way. Now, my body is just a shell for the Life Stream, which serves the evolution of others.

Whose Lives Matter?

What does each of us believe about the value of one life? Does every life have value? If so, how do we honor every life? If not, how do we decide who should live and die?

The question looms in the background of our biased historical perspectives from time immemorial, where one side villainizes “the other.” The question pervades the fabric of class differences – those who can afford to live can live. This question has been answered, in part, by the legal systems of certain states via the death penalty. This question is answered by who we decide to help after natural disasters and wars. We express our beliefs by how we treat the elderly and our children. We express what we think by our social programs and their lack. We respond by how we treat the addicted or the mentally ill. We also answer when we do nothing and avoid thinking and feeling the lives of the oppressed, the hungry, the depressed, and the lonely.

It is clear that we, as the human race, do not believe that every life has value. And even if we do believe in every living potential, we often do not feel that their quality of life is our responsibility. And yet, many still quote: “It takes a village to raise a child.”

So, what is our responsibility for another’s quality of life? Perhaps, the answer is simple. Perhaps, we do everything we can within our sphere of influence to support others, as long as it does not require us to sacrifice our own lives. Individuality is different from self-absorption, and one must practice self-care.

Perhaps we always teach a man, woman, and child “to fish” first, and offer them loving kindness and healthy boundaries in the process. Perhaps we offer what we can of what is truly needed.

Our natural state is service that respects both the individual and the collective, but we are still learning how to navigate the perceived boundary between the one and the many. We are still maturing in this respect.

The root cause of having to even ask the question of which lives matter and who decides is the way we have tied up value with our economy and those at the top of the net-worth pyramid. Money is still power. People with money buy decisions. Things and people who make money are valued, even if the consumer culture rests on the toiling backs of the so-called expendable and the replaceable. So, we trade, buy, and sell – and this process has more perceived and tangible value than life itself. Yet, the system persists.

Until the system collapses due to its sheer insanity of treating people as disposable, service is the only option to honor life. Service is a challenging concept to grasp when one is not naturally in balance with the Whole. Proper service requires a profound understanding of oneself and others. What are our strengths? What are our limitations? Are our limitations real, or self-created and self-maintained? What do others really need? Have we properly listened, heard, and empathized with another’s experience? Then, life becomes about profound connections and less about status and turning a blind eye to status quo.

It is possible to over-serve at the expense of oneself, and it is possible to under-serve through overdeveloped self-absorption. The question of service requires a deep connection to the Web of Life, which expresses itself through all of us. Feeling this Web of Life as a reality and following Its guidance is the key, but what if one doesn’t feel It?

Prescriptive dogma develops when the dynamic flow of life is elusive. Rigid views and boxed strategies evolve from a lack of sensitivity. Until we, as a race, learn to know the dynamic moment, we will continue to write rules and laws for every occasion. Until our geyser of creativity bursts, our apparent choices will seem limited, as will our ability to engage situations.

I know that this is not the only way, and that we can evolve beyond prescriptive living into the nuanced awareness of our unique roles within the Whole.

Before we can build and rebuild, there must be a vision. What if the vision is for us to know one another so well that we can feel anyone’s pain as if it were our own? What if, when others spoke, we listened with the same focus we currently invest into being heard by others? What if we had a natural compass for appropriate boundaries, which do not violate our unity?

Meditation, as taught by an awakened teacher, is a way for us to break free of processed-and-packaged regimes. As the inflamed pustules of this world continue to rupture and expose the underlying dysfunction, a wave of true teachers will again walk among people openly to directly transmit the lost art of meditation.

Today, people are mostly interested in relaxing (or distracting themselves) from life’s stresses, rather than fundamentally transforming their relationship to life – to rest in the Divine (which redefines the whole experience of stress). Transformation is not yet seen as a viable, or even possible, option.

Make no mistake, what must be learned cannot be learned from a book, but through the living pages of embodied teachers who have already crossed the lake of transformative fire. Books are great at introducing ideas, but will not provide the feedback and support needed to transcend oneself – those going through the process will attest to its challenges and times that feel unbearable. For most, meditation is still a lost art. It is the meditation – communion with the Divine – that gets one through to an entirely new perspective on the value of our lives and any life.

Who Dreams Of Sleeping Sheep

The cyberpunk genre of science fiction explored the moral and ethical dilemmas of humans creating conscious machines and even becoming hybrid biosynthetics. Philip K. Dick gave us “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep,” and the Blade Runner movies were born. Ian Watson gave us “Whores of Babylon,” which described how we can live in a simulated reality and forget that we are part of a computer program.

Now the idea that humanity can become “enhanced” through synthetic and electric modifications is within our technological grasp. Efforts have redoubled to create a working artificial intelligence (AI) after another winter of obstacles has thawed with fresh ideas.

And yet, these efforts have only challenged our idea of what it means to be human and, more importantly, what it means to live a human life.

We have played out various scenarios through books and movies of how robots can be the best of what humanity has to offer (think of Data on Star Trek: The Next Generation). We have also explored how machines can enslave or destroy humanity in the Matrix and Terminator. Battlestar Galactica made it clear that the tendency to want to create Pinocchio is wired into us just as much as what we wire, and is a cyclic inevitability. But these explorations only point to one fact – that we are grappling with our own identity as the human race.

Because we still do not know who or why we are, we aim to discover ourselves through our creation of synthetic consciousness. In seeking to create life in our likeness, we are only seeking to better understand ourselves. Is this not obvious?

One of the key definitions of artificial intelligence (AI) is the ability to repair or improve itself. But, isn’t that what we do as humans? Are we trying to create a better version of ourselves by investing in AI research? If so, what is wrong with us now? Or, is the desire to birth so powerful that we are willing to die for it?

Companies like Google are funneling serious cash into AI research. DARPA is building killer robot dogs. And, some engineers want to hook our brains into a “cloud” under the pretexts of expanding our smarts. The dangers of human extinction after creating a self-aware life form are pretty clear, and the risks of not being able to control the rapid evolution of what we create are quite high. Still, research perseveres, as if taunting our fate. Only a small fraction of the population is informed about what is going on with this research, and the rest are going about their lives as if – literally – there is no tomorrow.

It seems that our need to procreate is also a need to create, to feel like creators that give life. Is this not an important clue into who we really are? I do not believe that this is simple arrogance, just as I don’t believe that we have babies out of arrogance. There is something more going on here, something deeper that rubs at the root of our reason for being.

We learn by looking in the mirror. Our lives are the ultimate hall of mirrors, revealing us to ourselves day by day. And yet, we have forgotten to look for reflections and believe that we see absolute others.

At this time, humanity lacks the most important skill yet – empathy, or the ability to be conscious of another’s perspective. Once a critical mass of empathy ignites, everything will change. We will cry at the hurts we have caused as if we have experienced these hurts at our own hands, and we will listen as if we are the ones talking. Until we can empathize with our human kind, animals, rocks, and trees, and other types of consciousness interacting with our plane, we dare not create yet another potentially alien consciousness. If we do, it will reflect our ignorance to know another’s perspective – our perspective. It will reflect our current lack of empathy.

Wisdom lies in doing things because they are timely and right, and not simply because we can. Just as the participants in the Manhattan Project expressed great regret in creating a nuclear bomb, those now pushing the AI envelope will feel the same regret when they succeed. And the rest of humanity will live with the careless decisions of the few.

The Divine Is Not “Impersonal”

The Divine is not impersonal in the way most think – like a force that simply shuffles things around. The Divine is conscious and alive. One can unite with Divinity and express this Union in physical form.

In my experience, there is a difference between personal and individual.

Personal reminds me of a phrase “don’t take it personally,” which involves an emotional reaction. Taking something personally then means identifying with an emotion – “I am sad,” “I am disturbed,” and so on.

Individual signifies uniqueness for both processing experiences and expressing the synthesis of what one currently is. A free, or enlightened, individual identifies with the process of Life, and not with the body, emotions, and thinking. Consciousness of the Life process continuously evolves and, paradoxically, takes one deeper into understanding the role of the body, emotions, and thought – as a unique, or individual, embodiment of the Divine. Light is not an idea or a visual – it can be felt by the body. Consequently, relationships to people and to our planet, among other things, are stronger and bullshit-free – not weaker.

I have often written about enlightenment as an impersonal state that is an individualized state. Far from meaning detachment and dissociation, the free state dives deeper into existence without filters and blockades of personality-biased perceptions.

The nature-nurture view of personality is limited because we have the ability to trascend and integrate our biology and life experiences. Union with the Divine transcends the strictly physical and New Age perspective on life without rejecting or distancing oneself from Life at all. This is not intuitive. In fact, from the viewpoint of either suffering or enjoying world life, it would seem that enlightenment is a kind of checking-out from the human experience. And that is simply not the way it appears to work.

As a mystic, I cannot debate or prove what I live. However, I am not the only mystic who has lived or does live in this state. The mystic just wants to unite with the Divine, Which is largely unknowable by the mind and mental analysis. There is so much to what lives us that I am not sure if the sky has a top, or the well has a bottom.

This union is not an experience of the senses, but a transfiguration of the role the senses play. One bypasses the reactive stickiness of ideas and semantics and blind acceptance of any ideas. The process of Union continues, and a mystic integrates, embodies, and shines.

A mystic does not sit with the priests and priestesses of the world because there is no need to convert, convince, or play societal games of structural organization.

So why am I writing anything at all?

I write to express what is possible for a human being – a state that is free from the duality of this or that in life and knee-jerk reactions to life circumstances. However, in this state you still experience everything – even more than you did from a personal standpoint.

I do not wish for anyone to suffer or to be to deluded into a numb, fragmented, and confused way of living that negates one’s uniqueness and potential. I know how difficult it is to imagine a way of living other than the way we live until a new possibility is presented because I remember it. Although, I am beginning to “forget” the direct experience of the past me because I no longer relate to it.

The internet is loaded with essays, podcasts, videos, and books with various messages about our lives. However, a simple message seems muted: it is possible to yearn and enter into continuous union with the Divine while still being in relationship to body, mind, emotions, and people in an authentic, ever-deepening way. Imagine a world of beings who uniquely embody the Divine and move through Life as That – what would such a life look like? Could that be where we are headed as humanity?

People would feel a profound care for all and want to serve and connect to others in real and authentic ways. How else would you view life if you are no longer feeling trapped in a self-absorbed bubble that projects fear? There would also be a profound care for oneself. This vision is not a “hive mind” society, but a collective of unique beings as different facets of the Divine. When there is no impetus to harm, creativity would not be threatening to others. The cognitive resources currently used to orchestrate survival and status would be freed up to cooperate in Life and as Life.

Would there be competition? Would that be when competition becomes truly fun because the identity no longer rides on winning or losing or not playing a game? Would there be debates? Perhaps, but not divorced from feeling the aliveness of the subject matter, whereas mentally-abrasive logical arguments currently go another way. Would there be rules? Possibly mutually agreed-upon rules, such as when mature adults reach agreements without denigrating another or trying to pull a fast one on people.

New groupings will emerge as cultures, and new traditions would evolve – based on multidisciplinary interests and ways of expressing. And some older cultures would choose to remain. The new economics model would be based on what is needed, what people can offer, and their unique exploration of life. The latter is frequently ignored today, and people hold on to jobs they hate while feeling robbed (in multiple ways). Communism and socialism? No. Sanity? Yes. If we have learned anything from some indiginous cultures it is that they are communities of individuals as Spirit, and the leaders are also moving as Spirit.

Maybe as you read this, you are thinking of the Star Trek futuristic vision. But I am not describing that. Because people would no longer need to get pats on the back or gold stars or ceremonies, everything changes. Such a vision develops naturally, when the curiousity spark (coupled with Divine union) relates to the cosmos.

Very few talk about this possibility for our human race because there is no visible model of groups interacting without pettiness, or without the need to attack or defend. Also, there is no way to test this possibility scientifically because enlightenment is still a highly subjective term – the proverbial pie in the sky. And just because someone is a skilled listener and communicator does not mean they identify with the Divine.

Jaque Fresco was bold enough to posit The Venus Project, but it lacks a vision for transition and implementation, not to mention the importance of Divine union. His vision requires a central computer to obtain global data and allocate resources. Hmmm…. His publicized model would fail because wherever people go, there they are – many are disconnected from life and are simply seeing to their purely self-absorbed interests, uncontrolled violent tendencies, and the habitual need to establish dominance. Although he claims that people will coexist peacefully when all their basic needs are met, I have observed many cunning and agressive people who are fairly “well-off.” Because he recently received an award from the UN, his work becomes even more suspect. The New World Order, driven by the UN Agenda 21 and Agenda 2030, is not the kind of community anyone would choose willingly because it requires controlling human beings to keep them docile and killing their birthright for individualism – perhaps even for true Union with the Divine. Smart cities giving us more leisure would degrade into many people losing themselves in games, virtual reality, and superficial parties. I picture Roman vomitoriums and a slave class of some sort in the background cleaning it. Do the new generations even know how to do anything besides try to escape reality? Their need to escape the “mundane” would ultimately prevail and be a certain death for us. This way of “living” (existing) would be a true crime against humanity.

That is why I write. I try to express what I live as hints and breadcrumbs in a world that is currently wrestling with its very survival. To be individuals, we must – well – be individuals and take responsibility for understanding the conscious and unconscious forces that drive us. Then, we can find our yearning for the Divine and engage with transformation. Otherwises, the class of the masses will be just that – mouldable by emotional reactivity.

I have to get deeper into writing about possible transition scenarios (no, it would not involve culling the population). Most ingrained systems would need to be dismantled in strategic and gradual ways – with much courage. I can imagine the opposition….

Language and history does not popularize living as free and sane individuals. Instead, we are surrounded by criticisms about everything, but very few visions of what our human race could live like without turning us into, for example, cyborgs or biological automatons (as currently proselytized by Ray Kurweil, Elon Musk, and even deGrasse Tyson). There is no holistic vision yet for how to make life sparkle for humanity without subverting the majority into some form of slavery. As long as the Divine remains an other or nonexistent and people remain disconnected, a society of equals is just not possible.

Also, technology – like the mind – is a tool. However, a tool is only as beneficent as its user. Technology will not bring about authentic and individualized connection among the human race. Has Facebook or Twitter done anything tangible to help people realize that something much greater than ideology unites the planet? Or have these tools fueled further distraction from our true nature and hosted divisive war parties or complicity?

The Divine does not require a priesthood, aliens, conspiracies, or social engineers, but teachers do appear to be necessary to help others. Those who teach do so in a strange way – by being, by living, and (in a relatively small part) by verbal communication.

Very few are true teachers who have burst their self-oriented bubble and have given their lives over to the Divine. Most who claim enlightenment remain, instead, a priesthood riding high on how much of a following they have, how “right” they are, or how much money they can make. Some are more subtle than others, but are false leaders nonetheless.

Enlightenment comes with some understanding, but one is not instantly omniscient in all Life processes. Be wary of someone who presents predictions with certainty – the future is not set in stone. And, exploration in an enlightened state is much more fun and with no stress when one is allowed to just be and is inspired (literally). The Divine awaits for us to fan our spark into its flame and breathes us with endless inspiration and aspiration.

Please leave me a comment if you have a question or an insight. What is your current idea of the Divine? What is your vision for life of the human race?

Fighting the Self-Hatred Epidemic

***After I pulsed out the original version of this post, I got feedback. Thank you for the questions. It is important to get this right – I learn from you every day.***

There is an epidemic spreading and taking root in the West. It is subtle and nearly invisible in some cases, and more blatant in others. Most importantly, there is a cure, but this cure requires us to recognize the epidemic in the first place. If we are not afflicted, then we can try to help others as best we can.

When the New Age movement started, many fine authors talked about the importance of self-love. There was a stir in the Western world to become more gentle with oneself, to heal the inner child, and to learn to set boundaries with inappropriate behaviors and people. This was good. What is so important about self-love anyway, besides a better quality of life?

It turns out that self-love is not just an emotion or a feeling. Instead, it is an actual configuration of the physical and more subtle nervous systems to receive and be able to hold Spirit in form. Without self-love we literally reject uniting with Spirit and we block Its connection to, through, and as Us. Alternatively, even if we achieve Union, our nervous system can literally fry from this energy if it is unprepared to hold It. There are many pathways to Union with Spirit – there have to be – but the milestones of levels of freedom or degrees of Union appear to be similar. I am not just talking about Kundalini energy here – raising Kundalini energy is no guarantee of enlightenment.

Now the self-hatred epidemic is running rampant again. We had received doses of an antiobiotic, but then built immunity. There are forces at work in this world that have an interest in devolving the majority of the human race, and these forces have been working in new, different, and more conniving ways to manipulate people to accept self-hatred as the norm – and even believe that they feel self-love while engaging in self-loathing. This may not apply to you because you see through it, I understand, and yet there are many caught in this net at this time.

Who or what would wish to sabotage the human race in this way? Think about it…. An enlightened global community is very dangerous to those who believe the world population must be controlled – and enlightened beings are fundamentally free and happy (i.e., not controllable). The easiest way to keep developed populations down is by instilling hidden belief systems that one is fundamentally flawed and screwed up the core, unworthy, guilty, crazy, and just generally meaningless. There are entire theses in think tanks about how to manage world dynamics! Of course there are…. While people go about their daily lives, there are those who carefully deliberate how to generate stability and instability in various communities at various times to achieve control.

One would think that such a negative framework pervading social structures would drive mass majority to suicide, but that is not the case. Instead, it lulls the population into a kind of low- or mid-grade depression, inertia, and various autoimmune responses, OR the perversion of self-love as narcissism, racism, and other forms of “better-than-you”-isms. Both ends of the spectrum are breeding-grounds for separation at the Soul level, fueled by increased distractions that take one away from the simple core idea that one can achieve Union with Spirit and embody It uniquely with full consciousness of the Whole.

Thousands of years ago, yogis attained enlightenment in caves and on river edges, under trees and while sitting on wild grass. They discovered that the human nervous system was capable of a transformation that would ignite all form with Spirit to manifest a new kind of life that would emphasize our creative potential, making fear and the fight for survival obsolete. However, there are those who want to make enlightenment impossible for the human race by destabilizing the psyche, overwhelming people with work or the lack of work, monopolizing people’s attention with distractions, and ultimately damaging our nervous systems to make us permanently unable to feel the flow of Life. Yes, imagine that our nervous systems become so rigid to change and numbed by fear that we become trapped as fragmented consciousness in matter until the world simply winds down – which it will, some day. In other words, we will begin to forget more and more that we are fragments of One Spirit AND be completely convinced that we have achieved full potential at the same time! That is the worse case scenario – not knowing that we don’t know.

We must fight for our lives and sanity from a place of peace to be truly available to pure intention and attention, and resist the urge to fight from a place of anger and sadness. We must, once again, build reminders into our day to choose self-kindness and use these moments to invite Spirit in and embrace It. Once again, we must find good counselors to heal various traumas and let these go. When we are bombarded with messages to fear for our lives, we must flick a switch to choose relationship to every aspect of our lives, to forgive ourselves, and to let go into simple being. This is a moment-by-moment practice, relentless and filled with heart-felt yearning.

Another result of the lack of self-love is the desire to escape. The opiode epidemic is only one example. Besides drugs and alcohol, there are also emerging belief systems that we are shifting into a new Earth (and leaving the “unready” behind). But there is just this Earth – this one right now, and with this you and everything else on it. And if you think about it, is escaping and leaving others behind spiritual, even if it were possible?

The desire to escape suffering and pain is built into the manipulation and prepares masses to become lost in video games and, ultimately, “virtual fiction” reality – possibly removed many levels from this reality. We already see this behavior taking over many people because “it feels better than reality.” Sadly, this trend takes us deeper into the dark well of devolution. We must fight to feel the Sun on our faces, the grass and sand between our toes, and the touch of another’s hand in our hand to remain connected.

True freedom does not require any specific material or life conditions to be happy and awake. Life does not have to work out for you to become free and feel happy. How can it be freedom otherwise? It’s nice when things go well. But things don’t always go well. When stuff happens, does the enlightened state disappear or go on hold? No.

The yearning for enlightenment can die for us if we buy into unconscious self-rejection and escape. This would be tragic when we have the key to a revolution and an unhinged marriage of Spirit and Matter as individual expression. Enlightenment does not require props – only a consistent leap of faith that it is very possible for you, and the intense yearning to break through.

The great news is that the Light is always there and ready for you. It waits, poised for that instant when you accept yourself just long enough for It to get in and stay. You will literally feel a physical sensation of It pouring into the crown of your head and taking hold of the brain stem – and that is only the beginning. It has to stabilize.

There are endless opportunities all day long to yearn, release, and surrender to what lives you. Self-hatred and the Light are like oil and water, and the meditation must become a fight with the total fire of your will to burn through the thicket that falsely guards and separates you from the truth.

The new mantra is that “all the truth is within.” Sure, but we may not be able to understand it or even misinterpret it. Some say “we don’t need teachers – we can do it ourselves.” If it were that easy, we would have all done it by now and be living as a world community of free beings. But this is not the case, is it?

We have to be practical and streetsmart about spirituality for it to continue to be a force for good. For many, this means seeing through self-hatred, the desire to control and dominate, the need to be right, be powerful, be knowledgeable, be smarter, be “good-er.”

We are at a tipping point of falling into deeper illusion or waking up. There are enlightened beings. They just live – mostly incognito. Why are they still here, working hard amidst the dark tragedies, human hardships, and atrocities still going on? Why haven’t they just vanished into the rainbow of the “next level”? After they die, there will be others. But, at some point, the world may reject such beings altogether – it is not easy to be on the Earth plane in a free state, but this does not equate to suffering in human terms.

We can keep the candle of human potential burning by being practical and real with ourselves, questioning everything about our influences and our state, testing ourselves, and rejecting messages that we are flawed or better than others. This will be a fight that can only end in total transformation.

The test for enlightenment is simple – if you do not spend all of your time and during any activity feeling Life, being meditated by Life, and yearning for all to be free, then you are not yet enlightened. If you feel the need to defend or attack anything about yourself, you are not yet awake. If you take pride in what you are, you are not yet happy – because the little you is still there, needing a bigger I. If you need to escape – even as most cry out for help, you are not yet free – free beings tend Unity like a sacred garden. You can have “heaven” in any situation. If you are not living This, you are not yet free.

I often hear the question “Is enlightenment bullshit?” If the torch of true freedom is put out then yes, yes it is….