Tag Archives: mystic

Fighting the Self-Hatred Epidemic

***After I pulsed out the original version of this post, I got feedback. Thank you for the questions. It is important to get this right – I learn from you every day.***

There is an epidemic spreading and taking root in the West. It is subtle and nearly invisible in some cases, and more blatant in others. Most importantly, there is a cure, but this cure requires us to recognize the epidemic in the first place. If we are not afflicted, then we can try to help others as best we can.

When the New Age movement started, many fine authors talked about the importance of self-love. There was a stir in the Western world to become more gentle with oneself, to heal the inner child, and to learn to set boundaries with inappropriate behaviors and people. This was good. What is so important about self-love anyway, besides a better quality of life?

It turns out that self-love is not just an emotion or a feeling. Instead, it is an actual configuration of the physical and more subtle nervous systems to receive and be able to hold Spirit in form. Without self-love we literally reject uniting with Spirit and we block Its connection to, through, and as Us. Alternatively, even if we achieve Union, our nervous system can literally fry from this energy if it is unprepared to hold It. There are many pathways to Union with Spirit – there have to be – but the milestones of levels of freedom or degrees of Union appear to be similar. I am not just talking about Kundalini energy here – raising Kundalini energy is no guarantee of enlightenment.

Now the self-hatred epidemic is running rampant again. We had received doses of an antiobiotic, but then built immunity. There are forces at work in this world that have an interest in devolving the majority of the human race, and these forces have been working in new, different, and more conniving ways to manipulate people to accept self-hatred as the norm – and even believe that they feel self-love while engaging in self-loathing. This may not apply to you because you see through it, I understand, and yet there are many caught in this net at this time.

Who or what would wish to sabotage the human race in this way? Think about it…. An enlightened global community is very dangerous to those who believe the world population must be controlled – and enlightened beings are fundamentally free and happy (i.e., not controllable). The easiest way to keep developed populations down is by instilling hidden belief systems that one is fundamentally flawed and screwed up the core, unworthy, guilty, crazy, and just generally meaningless. There are entire theses in think tanks about how to manage world dynamics! Of course there are…. While people go about their daily lives, there are those who carefully deliberate how to generate stability and instability in various communities at various times to achieve control.

One would think that such a negative framework pervading social structures would drive mass majority to suicide, but that is not the case. Instead, it lulls the population into a kind of low- or mid-grade depression, inertia, and various autoimmune responses, OR the perversion of self-love as narcissism, racism, and other forms of “better-than-you”-isms. Both ends of the spectrum are breeding-grounds for separation at the Soul level, fueled by increased distractions that take one away from the simple core idea that one can achieve Union with Spirit and embody It uniquely with full consciousness of the Whole.

Thousands of years ago, yogis attained enlightenment in caves and on river edges, under trees and while sitting on wild grass. They discovered that the human nervous system was capable of a transformation that would ignite all form with Spirit to manifest a new kind of life that would emphasize our creative potential, making fear and the fight for survival obsolete. However, there are those who want to make enlightenment impossible for the human race by destabilizing the psyche, overwhelming people with work or the lack of work, monopolizing people’s attention with distractions, and ultimately damaging our nervous systems to make us permanently unable to feel the flow of Life. Yes, imagine that our nervous systems become so rigid to change and numbed by fear that we become trapped as fragmented consciousness in matter until the world simply winds down – which it will, some day. In other words, we will begin to forget more and more that we are fragments of One Spirit AND be completely convinced that we have achieved full potential at the same time! That is the worse case scenario – not knowing that we don’t know.

We must fight for our lives and sanity from a place of peace to be truly available to pure intention and attention, and resist the urge to fight from a place of anger and sadness. We must, once again, build reminders into our day to choose self-kindness and use these moments to invite Spirit in and embrace It. Once again, we must find good counselors to heal various traumas and let these go. When we are bombarded with messages to fear for our lives, we must flick a switch to choose relationship to every aspect of our lives, to forgive ourselves, and to let go into simple being. This is a moment-by-moment practice, relentless and filled with heart-felt yearning.

Another result of the lack of self-love is the desire to escape. The opiode epidemic is only one example. Besides drugs and alcohol, there are also emerging belief systems that we are shifting into a new Earth (and leaving the “unready” behind). But there is just this Earth – this one right now, and with this you and everything else on it. And if you think about it, is escaping and leaving others behind spiritual, even if it were possible?

The desire to escape suffering and pain is built into the manipulation and prepares masses to become lost in video games and, ultimately, “virtual fiction” reality – possibly removed many levels from this reality. We already see this behavior taking over many people because “it feels better than reality.” Sadly, this trend takes us deeper into the dark well of devolution. We must fight to feel the Sun on our faces, the grass and sand between our toes, and the touch of another’s hand in our hand to remain connected.

True freedom does not require any specific material or life conditions to be happy and awake. Life does not have to work out for you to become free and feel happy. How can it be freedom otherwise? It’s nice when things go well. But things don’t always go well. When stuff happens, does the enlightened state disappear or go on hold? No.

The yearning for enlightenment can die for us if we buy into unconscious self-rejection and escape. This would be tragic when we have the key to a revolution and an unhinged marriage of Spirit and Matter as individual expression. Enlightenment does not require props – only a consistent leap of faith that it is very possible for you, and the intense yearning to break through.

The great news is that the Light is always there and ready for you. It waits, poised for that instant when you accept yourself just long enough for It to get in and stay. You will literally feel a physical sensation of It pouring into the crown of your head and taking hold of the brain stem – and that is only the beginning. It has to stabilize.

There are endless opportunities all day long to yearn, release, and surrender to what lives you. Self-hatred and the Light are like oil and water, and the meditation must become a fight with the total fire of your will to burn through the thicket that falsely guards and separates you from the truth.

The new mantra is that “all the truth is within.” Sure, but we may not be able to understand it or even misinterpret it. Some say “we don’t need teachers – we can do it ourselves.” If it were that easy, we would have all done it by now and be living as a world community of free beings. But this is not the case, is it?

We have to be practical and streetsmart about spirituality for it to continue to be a force for good. For many, this means seeing through self-hatred, the desire to control and dominate, the need to be right, be powerful, be knowledgeable, be smarter, be “good-er.”

We are at a tipping point of falling into deeper illusion or waking up. There are enlightened beings. They just live – mostly incognito. Why are they still here, working hard amidst the dark tragedies, human hardships, and atrocities still going on? Why haven’t they just vanished into the rainbow of the “next level”? After they die, there will be others. But, at some point, the world may reject such beings altogether – it is not easy to be on the Earth plane in a free state, but this does not equate to suffering in human terms.

We can keep the candle of human potential burning by being practical and real with ourselves, questioning everything about our influences and our state, testing ourselves, and rejecting messages that we are flawed or better than others. This will be a fight that can only end in total transformation.

The test for enlightenment is simple – if you do not spend all of your time and during any activity feeling Life, being meditated by Life, and yearning for all to be free, then you are not yet enlightened. If you feel the need to defend or attack anything about yourself, you are not yet awake. If you take pride in what you are, you are not yet happy – because the little you is still there, needing a bigger I. If you need to escape – even as most cry out for help, you are not yet free – free beings tend Unity like a sacred garden. You can have “heaven” in any situation. If you are not living This, you are not yet free.

I often hear the question “Is enlightenment bullshit?” If the torch of true freedom is put out then yes, yes it is….

What Is Full Enlightenment?

The flow of Life is continuous, even relentless. Once you have stepped on the spiritual path with heartfelt yearning for freedom, you will be offered – in no uncertain terms – the option to surrender and let go every step of the way. If you pause, you will see all the microchoices that you face every moment to let go.

When I stepped on this path in early childhood, I did not understand what I yearned for. It was a sense of direction without a clear destination.

When my teacher told me “she will go all the way,” I deflected the insight. First, I felt unworthy. Second, I did not understand what that meant – what is “all the way”?

Minor and sequential enlightenments occur perhaps for most people, rather than one big bang of realization. In my previous posts, I talked about how these transitions are stable states of being, and not fleeting experiences. Each one is a radical shift in perception and relationship to Life.

When the being loses all identity, it is like an eddy rejoining the Life Stream – all sense of separation disappears and many paradoxes emerge:

  • You are impersonal, yet radiate unconditional love (everything is known as a fragment of the One)
  • You feel deeply, but no emotions stick – they pass through. At the core, there is unperturbed and unconditional happiness.
  • You see situations clearly as flash intuition, but you also use the mind as a tool to communicate logically. The whole process of thinking is revamped into something altogether different.
  • You may act in extreme ways to express the Divine and to loosen the knots of others, but you can also act composed and “clean up well”

I have written about our individual lives as mini-processes, occurring simultaneously as part of One unified process. We are not objects or things, but a chain of events and relationships. That, in itself, is quite a realization. Eventually, the whole arrangement and function of charkas changes, including their unification (the 7 chakras people discuss are repurposed, and I will save this for a separate post). And we are so much more than chakras – it is indescribable.

But when does it end, this evolution? When do things stop changing so dramatically, and perhaps monthly or even weekly? How often can a being withstand the proverbial rug being pulled from under their feet? At some point, do we simply dissolve into Unity and move on to whatever the next level may be?

I was given a choice and made a vow to stay with the planet and support its evolution. This vow is not a simple promise, but a reconfiguration of Being to postpone leaving the body as long as possible and perform service. By no means is this martyrdom or sacrifice – it is just the right choice for me. All choices are possible.

Some beings move on and shed the body. See, with each enlightenment stage, old energies are dumped into the body. The more changes you undergo, the more “stuff” is dumped into the vehicle. Of course, it is tempting to dump the whole thing and move on.

Well, in my case, I am now challenged with transforming my physical body. I cannot “dump it.” I must relive and release everything that is unable to serve as a portal for the Light. Otherwise, I will continue to experience pain and exhaustion, and eventually let go because the body will cease to function.

So, if you were to see my body on the other planes, you would see it ablaze with a purifying fire – in totality. You would see sparks flying off each time I relive and release the trapped energies in the physical form.

It makes sense – Spirit purifies the subtle bodies first, and the physical level could be the last. I’ve read about Saddhus fasting before or after awakenings, and that also makes sense – you shed the physical parts that no longer serve your Life process.

But this is not just an ordinary diet change. Instead, it is a fully conscious participation in the purification of the physical process – not form. Form is a misnomer because it implies calories, fat cells, organs, and so on. Process implies function. The purifying process is consciousness directly and intimately reorganizing the body connection to the Life Stream, intuitively choosing foods and supplements, but also burning what lays unresolved – perhaps from lifetimes ago.

I am undergoing something that is so intense that I am not sure how it will come through. But it doesn’t really bother me at the core level.

I know who I am and have been in past lives. I can see why the pyre burns so brightly. I know there is no way but through.

I am thankful for my husband and my cat brother. Don’t laugh – some animals are very connected to who we are and help us in profound ways. I am thankful for the children I have – sensitive and unique. They have seen me go through so much already. It is what it is.

A Master’s Field

Every person has an energetic presence that goes beyond the physical form. You can feel it strongly from highly charismatic personalities. For most, this energy is a way to continuously create and nourish the body. The energy flow is primarily directed to the self – to get something.

When one goes through the various changes of transforming perception and participation in Life, the energy field changes. First, the consciousness is stabilized as Spirit (not as the body, mind, or emotions), and this consciousness flows through the body to relate to all material aspects of life. This current reversal is optimized to give, and all fruits of connection are returned to the Divine. Thus, the body becomes a gateway of relationship of Spirit and World – and the body is critical to making the connection.

The energy field of a Master is no longer a mechanism to fortify personal needs. Instead, this field is a dynamic force that transcends space and time, and operates beyond space and time.

You can imagine how different everyday reality must seem to a Master who interacts with the planet to know her, help her heal, and model for her true freedom.

The field of a Master has a direct and potent effect on people. The Master is like a transmitter that sends out a wave of what it is like to be free of illusion. It happens quite naturally and without any agenda. The Master is merely being who he or she is.

Those who feel a Master – any of them – even unconsciously – are ignited and even guided to shed illusion for Spirit. The Masters serve as living examples and aid those who yearn in any way possible. They never interfere or direct anyone’s life. But they do help to provide souls with real, tangible glimpses of true awakening and the release of identifying with suffering. This is continuous, 365 and 24/7, while a Master is alive.

The Masters who can still relate to people as individuals serve in the trenches of human existence and may have frequent interactions with people. None of these interactions are simplistic, regardless of how random they may seem or how “unimportant” in the great scheme of things. By being who they are, Masters reflect to others their state and show them alternative possibilities to healed freedom. Each interaction is custom-tailored to a soul’s needs. Regardless of their day jobs (and they do have day jobs), these Masters simply relate to others completely and with a loving, generous heart. There is no effort or self control necessary – it is natural.

Some people yearn for Spirit with such longing that they may gravitate and enter a Master’s field. Most are unaware consciously that they have done this, but eventually they know. Some part of these longing hearts wished to have help, and that heartfelt wish was answered. The Master provides a temporary respite for these souls in his or her field without having to consciously think of each and every single one. There is a flash of insight that knows, and this insight is potent. There they are, swimming in the light of the field, as they go about their daily lives. As they swim, they gain insight about themselves and their lives – mostly because the Master’s field amplifies their own connection to Spirit. The world is full of distractions, but the Master has no need of being reminded to meditate, serve – and that remembrance is everpresent and shared via the Master’s field.

Who are these Masters? They are humans who have gone through a natural transformation awaiting the human race. They are on the Earth and alive, but no longer tied up in its ups and downs. They see the truth nature of a soul and know its beauty – even before that soul knows what it really is. They live because they are alive – simple, but not trite – and death is not a concern, nor a wish. They no longer have anything to gain for the self. Their laughter is potent music that shakes loose the stuckness of spaces and situations, and many laugh a lot! One way to view a Master is just as another kind of mentor, really.

How do you know if you have an energetic field that can awaken others? Simply watch if the ones close to you are waking up to be more independent in their relationship to their growth, stabilizing their lives in the world, and are becoming less self-absorbed…. But be careful…. One does not set a goal to become a Master and to “free” others. Instead, one focuses on one’s own evolution, facing many tests for self-absorption and attachments. These tests are difficult, and even some advanced souls become stuck in their thicket, even while posturing as the enlightened.

When you become a Master over illusion and surrender yoursel, there is no party, no big celebration, and no fanfare of any kind. It just is, and it comes gradually. Although, our world does feel a shift and sounds a joyful note beyond the range if hearing for most. In fact, it is best if you doubt your attainment every step of the way and assume you are still ignorant until there is much proof that things are otherwise. And, ignorance is always relative 🙂

We are all interconnected, and some connections run stronger and deeper than others. Those who have broken through the veil of illusion are there and still evolving and learning from absolutely ever, for evolution never ends. While they are there, they shine steady until their dying day.

What does it mean to be a mystic?

The world has so many spiritual movements and teachers. Although I have had teachers, I do not have a lineage. My path has led me through a transformation, and I was then on my own to integrate what had happened. Often I would receive insights, but the primary insight was to trust the wisdom of the Heart and to rely fully on the Light. And this keeps me continuously accountable. I cannot plan or know, but only listen with the Heart and respond.

It was very challenging for me to accept that I have no formal lineage. However, I’ve since learned that strong yearning and love for the Divine opens other avenues for us to continue learning and surrendering to the process of life.

At this time, my love for the Divine is All-consuming. There is not a moment when I am not in the Light’s embrace. I feel my Heart flood with love, and there is spontaneous expression of that love – as called by the moment.

I am literally drunk on this love, intoxicated by the delight of knowing who I am. The union of the body and the infinite is a play of life and fire, and everything else is kindling.

Flashes of debris in the body are quickly thrown into the everburning Spiritual Fire, and consumed as quickly as they arise. I know that I am this Fire, and thus I am nothing to speak of.

I suppose one would call me a mystic because the Union of the Divine is ever unfolding and I know that is all there is. Interestingly, my bithplace – Azerbaidjan –  was a place of the Sufi mystics.

There is also a practical side to this way of being – I attend to daily responsibilities with a wildly burning heart. What I notice is that it is very clear which are my responsibilities, and which are my choices. The Fire of Love in my heart is ever there to ignite my relationship with any task.

I find it interesting that some people find this Love, which requires nothing less than complete surrender to the Divine, frightening… If they felt it even once, they would know that all other love falls short….They would taste this love and never stop longing for it. However, the initial turmoil that comes with the longing is not a joke. And, for those who do not want this, perhaps it is better to never take that first drink from the cup of Love…

I’ve also learned that the craving for Divine Union must come from an individual after their awakening is ignited. While a teacher can stoke the Fire, the individual must choose via his or her free will to surrender to the flame – to the dissolution of separation. This process can be frightening until one crosses the point of no return. Then, the fear is simply drowned by the yearning.

Ultimately, the only thing that matters is – do you know who you are. I know that I am no longer anything to speak of…