Tag Archives: meditation

Fighting the Self-Hatred Epidemic

***After I pulsed out the original version of this post, I got feedback. Thank you for the questions. It is important to get this right – I learn from you every day.***

There is an epidemic spreading and taking root in the West. It is subtle and nearly invisible in some cases, and more blatant in others. Most importantly, there is a cure, but this cure requires us to recognize the epidemic in the first place. If we are not afflicted, then we can try to help others as best we can.

When the New Age movement started, many fine authors talked about the importance of self-love. There was a stir in the Western world to become more gentle with oneself, to heal the inner child, and to learn to set boundaries with inappropriate behaviors and people. This was good. What is so important about self-love anyway, besides a better quality of life?

It turns out that self-love is not just an emotion or a feeling. Instead, it is an actual configuration of the physical and more subtle nervous systems to receive and be able to hold Spirit in form. Without self-love we literally reject uniting with Spirit and we block Its connection to, through, and as Us. Alternatively, even if we achieve Union, our nervous system can literally fry from this energy if it is unprepared to hold It. There are many pathways to Union with Spirit – there have to be – but the milestones of levels of freedom or degrees of Union appear to be similar. I am not just talking about Kundalini energy here – raising Kundalini energy is no guarantee of enlightenment.

Now the self-hatred epidemic is running rampant again. We had received doses of an antiobiotic, but then built immunity. There are forces at work in this world that have an interest in devolving the majority of the human race, and these forces have been working in new, different, and more conniving ways to manipulate people to accept self-hatred as the norm – and even believe that they feel self-love while engaging in self-loathing. This may not apply to you because you see through it, I understand, and yet there are many caught in this net at this time.

Who or what would wish to sabotage the human race in this way? Think about it…. An enlightened global community is very dangerous to those who believe the world population must be controlled – and enlightened beings are fundamentally free and happy (i.e., not controllable). The easiest way to keep developed populations down is by instilling hidden belief systems that one is fundamentally flawed and screwed up the core, unworthy, guilty, crazy, and just generally meaningless. There are entire theses in think tanks about how to manage world dynamics! Of course there are…. While people go about their daily lives, there are those who carefully deliberate how to generate stability and instability in various communities at various times to achieve control.

One would think that such a negative framework pervading social structures would drive mass majority to suicide, but that is not the case. Instead, it lulls the population into a kind of low- or mid-grade depression, inertia, and various autoimmune responses, OR the perversion of self-love as narcissism, racism, and other forms of “better-than-you”-isms. Both ends of the spectrum are breeding-grounds for separation at the Soul level, fueled by increased distractions that take one away from the simple core idea that one can achieve Union with Spirit and embody It uniquely with full consciousness of the Whole.

Thousands of years ago, yogis attained enlightenment in caves and on river edges, under trees and while sitting on wild grass. They discovered that the human nervous system was capable of a transformation that would ignite all form with Spirit to manifest a new kind of life that would emphasize our creative potential, making fear and the fight for survival obsolete. However, there are those who want to make enlightenment impossible for the human race by destabilizing the psyche, overwhelming people with work or the lack of work, monopolizing people’s attention with distractions, and ultimately damaging our nervous systems to make us permanently unable to feel the flow of Life. Yes, imagine that our nervous systems become so rigid to change and numbed by fear that we become trapped as fragmented consciousness in matter until the world simply winds down – which it will, some day. In other words, we will begin to forget more and more that we are fragments of One Spirit AND be completely convinced that we have achieved full potential at the same time! That is the worse case scenario – not knowing that we don’t know.

We must fight for our lives and sanity from a place of peace to be truly available to pure intention and attention, and resist the urge to fight from a place of anger and sadness. We must, once again, build reminders into our day to choose self-kindness and use these moments to invite Spirit in and embrace It. Once again, we must find good counselors to heal various traumas and let these go. When we are bombarded with messages to fear for our lives, we must flick a switch to choose relationship to every aspect of our lives, to forgive ourselves, and to let go into simple being. This is a moment-by-moment practice, relentless and filled with heart-felt yearning.

Another result of the lack of self-love is the desire to escape. The opiode epidemic is only one example. Besides drugs and alcohol, there are also emerging belief systems that we are shifting into a new Earth (and leaving the “unready” behind). But there is just this Earth – this one right now, and with this you and everything else on it. And if you think about it, is escaping and leaving others behind spiritual, even if it were possible?

The desire to escape suffering and pain is built into the manipulation and prepares masses to become lost in video games and, ultimately, “virtual fiction” reality – possibly removed many levels from this reality. We already see this behavior taking over many people because “it feels better than reality.” Sadly, this trend takes us deeper into the dark well of devolution. We must fight to feel the Sun on our faces, the grass and sand between our toes, and the touch of another’s hand in our hand to remain connected.

True freedom does not require any specific material or life conditions to be happy and awake. Life does not have to work out for you to become free and feel happy. How can it be freedom otherwise? It’s nice when things go well. But things don’t always go well. When stuff happens, does the enlightened state disappear or go on hold? No.

The yearning for enlightenment can die for us if we buy into unconscious self-rejection and escape. This would be tragic when we have the key to a revolution and an unhinged marriage of Spirit and Matter as individual expression. Enlightenment does not require props – only a consistent leap of faith that it is very possible for you, and the intense yearning to break through.

The great news is that the Light is always there and ready for you. It waits, poised for that instant when you accept yourself just long enough for It to get in and stay. You will literally feel a physical sensation of It pouring into the crown of your head and taking hold of the brain stem – and that is only the beginning. It has to stabilize.

There are endless opportunities all day long to yearn, release, and surrender to what lives you. Self-hatred and the Light are like oil and water, and the meditation must become a fight with the total fire of your will to burn through the thicket that falsely guards and separates you from the truth.

The new mantra is that “all the truth is within.” Sure, but we may not be able to understand it or even misinterpret it. Some say “we don’t need teachers – we can do it ourselves.” If it were that easy, we would have all done it by now and be living as a world community of free beings. But this is not the case, is it?

We have to be practical and streetsmart about spirituality for it to continue to be a force for good. For many, this means seeing through self-hatred, the desire to control and dominate, the need to be right, be powerful, be knowledgeable, be smarter, be “good-er.”

We are at a tipping point of falling into deeper illusion or waking up. There are enlightened beings. They just live – mostly incognito. Why are they still here, working hard amidst the dark tragedies, human hardships, and atrocities still going on? Why haven’t they just vanished into the rainbow of the “next level”? After they die, there will be others. But, at some point, the world may reject such beings altogether – it is not easy to be on the Earth plane in a free state, but this does not equate to suffering in human terms.

We can keep the candle of human potential burning by being practical and real with ourselves, questioning everything about our influences and our state, testing ourselves, and rejecting messages that we are flawed or better than others. This will be a fight that can only end in total transformation.

The test for enlightenment is simple – if you do not spend all of your time and during any activity feeling Life, being meditated by Life, and yearning for all to be free, then you are not yet enlightened. If you feel the need to defend or attack anything about yourself, you are not yet awake. If you take pride in what you are, you are not yet happy – because the little you is still there, needing a bigger I. If you need to escape – even as most cry out for help, you are not yet free – free beings tend Unity like a sacred garden. You can have “heaven” in any situation. If you are not living This, you are not yet free.

I often hear the question “Is enlightenment bullshit?” If the torch of true freedom is put out then yes, yes it is….

What Is Full Enlightenment?

The flow of Life is continuous, even relentless. Once you have stepped on the spiritual path with heartfelt yearning for freedom, you will be offered – in no uncertain terms – the option to surrender and let go every step of the way. If you pause, you will see all the microchoices that you face every moment to let go.

When I stepped on this path in early childhood, I did not understand what I yearned for. It was a sense of direction without a clear destination.

When my teacher told me “she will go all the way,” I deflected the insight. First, I felt unworthy. Second, I did not understand what that meant – what is “all the way”?

Minor and sequential enlightenments occur perhaps for most people, rather than one big bang of realization. In my previous posts, I talked about how these transitions are stable states of being, and not fleeting experiences. Each one is a radical shift in perception and relationship to Life.

When the being loses all identity, it is like an eddy rejoining the Life Stream – all sense of separation disappears and many paradoxes emerge:

  • You are impersonal, yet radiate unconditional love (everything is known as a fragment of the One)
  • You feel deeply, but no emotions stick – they pass through. At the core, there is unperturbed and unconditional happiness.
  • You see situations clearly as flash intuition, but you also use the mind as a tool to communicate logically. The whole process of thinking is revamped into something altogether different.
  • You may act in extreme ways to express the Divine and to loosen the knots of others, but you can also act composed and “clean up well”

I have written about our individual lives as mini-processes, occurring simultaneously as part of One unified process. We are not objects or things, but a chain of events and relationships. That, in itself, is quite a realization. Eventually, the whole arrangement and function of charkas changes, including their unification (the 7 chakras people discuss are repurposed, and I will save this for a separate post). And we are so much more than chakras – it is indescribable.

But when does it end, this evolution? When do things stop changing so dramatically, and perhaps monthly or even weekly? How often can a being withstand the proverbial rug being pulled from under their feet? At some point, do we simply dissolve into Unity and move on to whatever the next level may be?

I was given a choice and made a vow to stay with the planet and support its evolution. This vow is not a simple promise, but a reconfiguration of Being to postpone leaving the body as long as possible and perform service. By no means is this martyrdom or sacrifice – it is just the right choice for me. All choices are possible.

Some beings move on and shed the body. See, with each enlightenment stage, old energies are dumped into the body. The more changes you undergo, the more “stuff” is dumped into the vehicle. Of course, it is tempting to dump the whole thing and move on.

Well, in my case, I am now challenged with transforming my physical body. I cannot “dump it.” I must relive and release everything that is unable to serve as a portal for the Light. Otherwise, I will continue to experience pain and exhaustion, and eventually let go because the body will cease to function.

So, if you were to see my body on the other planes, you would see it ablaze with a purifying fire – in totality. You would see sparks flying off each time I relive and release the trapped energies in the physical form.

It makes sense – Spirit purifies the subtle bodies first, and the physical level could be the last. I’ve read about Saddhus fasting before or after awakenings, and that also makes sense – you shed the physical parts that no longer serve your Life process.

But this is not just an ordinary diet change. Instead, it is a fully conscious participation in the purification of the physical process – not form. Form is a misnomer because it implies calories, fat cells, organs, and so on. Process implies function. The purifying process is consciousness directly and intimately reorganizing the body connection to the Life Stream, intuitively choosing foods and supplements, but also burning what lays unresolved – perhaps from lifetimes ago.

I am undergoing something that is so intense that I am not sure how it will come through. But it doesn’t really bother me at the core level.

I know who I am and have been in past lives. I can see why the pyre burns so brightly. I know there is no way but through.

I am thankful for my husband and my cat brother. Don’t laugh – some animals are very connected to who we are and help us in profound ways. I am thankful for the children I have – sensitive and unique. They have seen me go through so much already. It is what it is.

A Master’s Field

Every person has an energetic presence that goes beyond the physical form. You can feel it strongly from highly charismatic personalities. For most, this energy is a way to continuously create and nourish the body. The energy flow is primarily directed to the self – to get something.

When one goes through the various changes of transforming perception and participation in Life, the energy field changes. First, the consciousness is stabilized as Spirit (not as the body, mind, or emotions), and this consciousness flows through the body to relate to all material aspects of life. This current reversal is optimized to give, and all fruits of connection are returned to the Divine. Thus, the body becomes a gateway of relationship of Spirit and World – and the body is critical to making the connection.

The energy field of a Master is no longer a mechanism to fortify personal needs. Instead, this field is a dynamic force that transcends space and time, and operates beyond space and time.

You can imagine how different everyday reality must seem to a Master who interacts with the planet to know her, help her heal, and model for her true freedom.

The field of a Master has a direct and potent effect on people. The Master is like a transmitter that sends out a wave of what it is like to be free of illusion. It happens quite naturally and without any agenda. The Master is merely being who he or she is.

Those who feel a Master – any of them – even unconsciously – are ignited and even guided to shed illusion for Spirit. The Masters serve as living examples and aid those who yearn in any way possible. They never interfere or direct anyone’s life. But they do help to provide souls with real, tangible glimpses of true awakening and the release of identifying with suffering. This is continuous, 365 and 24/7, while a Master is alive.

The Masters who can still relate to people as individuals serve in the trenches of human existence and may have frequent interactions with people. None of these interactions are simplistic, regardless of how random they may seem or how “unimportant” in the great scheme of things. By being who they are, Masters reflect to others their state and show them alternative possibilities to healed freedom. Each interaction is custom-tailored to a soul’s needs. Regardless of their day jobs (and they do have day jobs), these Masters simply relate to others completely and with a loving, generous heart. There is no effort or self control necessary – it is natural.

Some people yearn for Spirit with such longing that they may gravitate and enter a Master’s field. Most are unaware consciously that they have done this, but eventually they know. Some part of these longing hearts wished to have help, and that heartfelt wish was answered. The Master provides a temporary respite for these souls in his or her field without having to consciously think of each and every single one. There is a flash of insight that knows, and this insight is potent. There they are, swimming in the light of the field, as they go about their daily lives. As they swim, they gain insight about themselves and their lives – mostly because the Master’s field amplifies their own connection to Spirit. The world is full of distractions, but the Master has no need of being reminded to meditate, serve – and that remembrance is everpresent and shared via the Master’s field.

Who are these Masters? They are humans who have gone through a natural transformation awaiting the human race. They are on the Earth and alive, but no longer tied up in its ups and downs. They see the truth nature of a soul and know its beauty – even before that soul knows what it really is. They live because they are alive – simple, but not trite – and death is not a concern, nor a wish. They no longer have anything to gain for the self. Their laughter is potent music that shakes loose the stuckness of spaces and situations, and many laugh a lot! One way to view a Master is just as another kind of mentor, really.

How do you know if you have an energetic field that can awaken others? Simply watch if the ones close to you are waking up to be more independent in their relationship to their growth, stabilizing their lives in the world, and are becoming less self-absorbed…. But be careful…. One does not set a goal to become a Master and to “free” others. Instead, one focuses on one’s own evolution, facing many tests for self-absorption and attachments. These tests are difficult, and even some advanced souls become stuck in their thicket, even while posturing as the enlightened.

When you become a Master over illusion and surrender yoursel, there is no party, no big celebration, and no fanfare of any kind. It just is, and it comes gradually. Although, our world does feel a shift and sounds a joyful note beyond the range if hearing for most. In fact, it is best if you doubt your attainment every step of the way and assume you are still ignorant until there is much proof that things are otherwise. And, ignorance is always relative 🙂

We are all interconnected, and some connections run stronger and deeper than others. Those who have broken through the veil of illusion are there and still evolving and learning from absolutely ever, for evolution never ends. While they are there, they shine steady until their dying day.

Truth vs. Our Role as Truth

People say: “If it’s not simple, it can’t be truth. Truth is simple.” Some truth is simple, like living a life of surrender to the Divine. But not all truth is simple – by far. By writing this article, I am holding back a lot. Some will think this is some New Age drivel, perhaps. But New Age has distorted much information – like a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle scattered on a table, and the people who spread disinformation have simply misinterpreted their experiences or copied and propagated someone else’s misinterpretations.

Most people feel enough complexity just surviving day-to-day. This is most of the human race. A small fraction is dabbling in trying to control our reality without fully understanding what they are doing – magik, mediumship, channeling, etc. Such people are quick to speak about their advanced states and exclusivity of their abilities, but so what? The fact remains that any manipulation of forces that are interconnected with others creates consequences.

My experience is that we live in a highly complex universe with many levels of interactions among many types of beings, including the beings on earth, planets, and stars. What we consider living sentient beings, on average, is too limited at this time. While the Truth of our reality is very complex and mindblowing, our role in Truth – in Life – is very simple (e.g., loving, pure, and detached service of whatever we can offer). We can focus on opening our hearts and our minds to the richness of existence while contributing our unique creativity and willingness to help. This is simple, which is why it is far from easy.

There are boundaries set by karmic law for which levels of beings are able and allowed to interact. Our Earth is only one planet with life among myriads of planets, but we are not that evolved (relatively speaking). Advanced races on the Light path, who abide by karmic law, do not come near us – they do not because we are primarily out of range of their consciousness – like a mosquito appears to a human. However, advanced races who have taken the dark path have no problem interfering with our evolution and adding to the chaos we ourselves have already caused.

There are non-human guardians posted to protect us from external interference, for we are still too self-absorbed to fully do that for ourselves. However, there are occasional bleedthroughs of alien consciousness that mixes with ours. It is my understanding that this premature mixing is not uncommon, but it does add complexity. Such guardians see our human race from the perspective of the One Spirit, of which we are fragments – they do not interact with individuals who have not reached that perspective or get involved in the minutia of our daily events.

Telling apart which information comes from which sources can only be done by a person who has reached the evolutionary level of these sources. Such people exist, but are very few. Most are still stuck in the false (lower level) light of the Astral plane, which is similar to a reflection in water full of ripples and waves. Even this “stuckness” is a normal part of the evolution of a race, as it is training people to feel beyond the physical – even if without clarity.

Some people have evolved to the point of sensing and even participating in our broader reality with clear discernment. Such people are literally invisible as Masters – you can walk by one and never know who they truly are, and they won’t tell you what they really do. That is OK too. It is all part of the stage at which we find ourselves.

While we all love interesting stories and ideas, would it be too much to accept that we don’t have a first-hand clear experience of Reality? Or, does it require too much humbleness to admit that we are ignorant of how our Reality fits together and plays out?

Would it be too much to ask that we stop looking for someone else to tell us what will happen tomorrow, and – instead – focus 100% on giving each and every day to surrender to the One Life that we are?

Would it be too much to say that, right now, most of us are in the role of taking out the trash after a messy party – on many levels, and to embrace that role with a humble heart?

The loud ones with loud claims of grandiosity are distracting those who could just as easily be involved in the cleanup role – of our bodies, our emotions and minds, our planet, and the Astral Plane…. How? Just wake up every morning and immediately ask “How can I serve today?” – the opportunities will present themselves, even if it is to serve your own true needs. This kind of keeping it real is not for the overly intellectual or the ultraspiritual because it requires the rolling up of sleeves and a strong nose for strong smell. That’s pretty simple, but far from easy for those who want to keep pretending profound transformation is easy.

Meditation, With a Sprig of Caution

In a previous post, I categorized  meditation into 3 broad types, depending on the purpose: relaxation, healing others (sending energy), or transformation. But, is all meditation safe to practice without a teacher? Is any meditation you do on your own likely to be effective?

First, let’s look at a meditation that is risk-free and effective without the need for much guidance: meditation for relaxation. During this type of meditation, you typically focus on your body to relax and release tension. Gentle breaths and listening to recorded sounds of nature with gentle instructions can help you become more aware of your body – and therefore the tension. Forceful exhalations can push out stagnant energies. It turns out that focused awareness, coupled with deeper breathing, is effective for decompressing from your day, regaining balance, and healing. 

A long time ago, I practiced Vipassanna meditation. In my late teen’s, I took a 10-day vow of silence at a retreat and immersed myself in continuous awareness of bodily sensations, which were always changing. I am not sure that this approach would have led me to transformation, but it taught me to focus and to be present without expectations. I also learned that I am a process in constant flux.

Later, I would supplement relaxation with a conscious intention of gratitude, or even a heartfelt and relaxed smile. Smiling, it turns out, is a very healing practice! I learned this from the Tibetan Buddhists…. Smiling – authentic smiling in the face of  fear or pain – can be very powerful in diffusing the fear and pain. A heart smile has the ability to shift what you identify with….

Let’s now look at meditation when you have the intention to transform – to break free from illusory perception of life and relate to life as it really is. In this case, it is nearly impossible to make progress without guidance. Why is that?

To answer this question, we need to talk about what may happen during meditation for transformation. If you have a profound yearning to know reality at a core level, then that intention will eventually invite the energy of the infinite into your cocoon of limitations. This energy will work to loosen and release anything that is not the true you, while amplifying any imbalances to be balanced. 

As the dust of old and impacted perceptions rises, you are not likely to feel relaxed at all. In fact, you may go through periods of confusion and depression, all the while continuing to release what is not you and evolving your connection to life. You will likely feel stirred up and live in that state for some time, waxing and waning.

As the energy of transformation does its work, you may begin to remember old trauma and become clearly aware of your sense of unworthiness (that almost everyone carries), which can present either as arrogance or as self-deprecation and self-judgement. If you are meditating on your own as all of this dredges up – possibly at a rapid rate – you may fall into even deeper depression and become overwhelmed by what you carry. Some can become too depressed to function and collapse.

If you are getting guidance from a teacher who knows what they are doing, that teacher can help you to safely stabilize and redirect your attention to recognize and let go of anything that is not you. But you must keep reaching out to the teacher. You must engage the support – that is also part of the learning. Then you can learn to safely adjust the pace of release and continue to clear everything that is no longer serving your life.

I do not believe that teachers should be paid for this work – but that is just me. I feel that helping a soul that is burning to birth is just one of those things some people can do without turning it into a business. In this case, you would get much more than you would ever pay for, so the argument that “money is an energy exchange” is full of holes.

Transformation is typically unpleasant – we carry pain, fear, and unresolved emotions – and they will all need to be seen and possibly relived. However, there will also be glimpses of bliss and freedom. Can you stop this process anytime? Maybe…. Once the process begins, you realize that it is not that easy to walk away from it – even if you think you’ve had enough. Now that you know there is more and you can’t unknow that. You can pause, slow down, but probably the seed will remain in you and continue to sprout. 

To let go of the illusory self, you must keep building your strength to keep going. In addition to the meditation practice, you may need to see a counselor, where you can talk freely about your feelings and thoughts that come up so that these can be integrated. You may also need to adjust your diet and fluid intake to include less processed food and nourish you.

As you meditate more and more, you may also gain greater sensitivity to other forces at play in our reality. You may directly “pick up” on the emotions of others, thinking that these are your emotions – which they are not. You may begin to sense the thoughts of others.  You may also attract entities – energies – that you definitely don’t want near or around you. In fact, because many entities are shapeshifters and lie about who they are – it’s generally better to send them away. “But it is an Ascended Master teaching me directly!”

It is highly unusual for Ascended Masters to contact those at the beginning of their spiritual unfolding, and there is a good chance that a presenting entity is not what it claims – that intruder will just add to your confusion. You know you need to stop meditating for awhile when you begin to experience “voices” telling you what to do. 

In extreme cases, some people may feel like they are losing their sanity. Others may begin to feel grandiose – like they are on a divine mission and are receiving direct messages from God. No – the days of prophets are over and souls need no one in the middle! Delusions of grandeur and importance are signs that someone is collapsing and imploding under the weight of their Ego. That is why a teacher is so important to this process. A real teacher.

This cautionary tale of meditation is not new information, and old yogic texts provide plenty of warnings about opening up too much, too soon, and without appropriate guidance.  Although some teachers who claim to teach meditation may have the ability to ignite opening in a practitioner, these teachers rarely have the practical knowledge to stabilize the practitioner when stuff stirs up. Such teachers may even denigrate their student in subtle or overt ways to save face in light of their inabilities – “He (or she) wasn’t ready. This is what happens when one isn’t ready.” Then, the practitioner is left on his or her own to either literally sink or swim. Some, unfortunately, end up with a mental illness diagnosis and become lost. My sense is that there are many souls who live with the belief that they are crazy, but are actually those who opened too fast and needed to be taught how to handle the changes better. Those who are not meant to teach will eventually see their “students” leave, one by one. Only those with deep karmic ties will remain.

The reality is that life is more complex than some idealized progression of evolution, where a student enters on the path of opening with a crystal clear heart and unfolds without any complications. The reality is that most of us have baggage, but may also have intense yearning for true freedom. Of course this will trigger awakening, but of a more messy kind. And someone capable can  step in to help, if asked.

No true teacher would abandon a soul that needs support and will help that soul reset and restabilize – or guide them to someone else who can do this. In fact, we are entering an era of many messy awakenings, and the need for a compassionate response by those who know is now paramount. The need for more awakened souls is great and urgent! We can only light a candle because someone lit  our’s…..

In the earlier stages of my practice, I often wondered why more people were unwilling to want enlightenment – a permanent state of unconditional happiness and a deeper understanding of reality. It’s no secret that most people are not interested in this and want a fulfilled life. Then, I realized that people must have a natural safeguard to protect them from potentially premature and destabilizing experiences.  Such natural safeguards must be honored. After all, transformation is definitely not all there is to life, and it is not necessary for everyone at any given time.

The yearning ones still regularly get tangled up with teachers who can’t handle the more intense changes in a practitioner – and this is just their way. It is necessary to understand that, after the ignition with such a teacher, you may need to find another, more humble,  compassionate, and capable being to guide you the rest of the way. While igniting someone is relatively easy, taking them across the turbulence safely requires much much more evolution.

So, how do you know if a teacher can help you, or if they will vanish or disavow you when they realize their limitations? You may not know. Just know that your life is not necessarily forfeit if you happen to stumble on transformative energy and put your intention out to attract someone to you who will truly help. You will need to walk through fire, of sorts, and maybe that is just your way. So what? It ended up being my way. There is no one way

Transformation is not a formula because our beings are not formulaic. Anyone who marginalizes you for not fitting a mold is either a coward or has not sufficiently matured. So what?

Be confident that your life will unfold in whatever is your way. You will stand strong without a middleman. Remember that if you reach out for support when you feel like you are drowning, you will  receive it – one way or another. Life requires your initiative and intention, and responds – this is the key to living through challenges that venture into the unknown. This unknown is our birth, bithright, rebirth, and truth.

Different Flavors of Meditation

Like ice cream, meditation comes in different flavors – you may be drawn to one, and completely turned off by another. However, on the surface, meditation appears to just be about sitting still. How many different ways can you do that?

Meditation is mostly about attention and intention. The sitting part is really only a way to let the body rest. It is the way you focus your attention and channel your intention that makes all the difference in the approach. You can also do moving meditation, but even that practice is about the deeper processes going on as “you.”

While life looks like a bunch of objects, in reality it is really a collection of dynamic processes. Our lives are ever evolving uniquely for each of us and are more a collecton of relationships than things. 

Many books are wtitten about meditation. However, I see three main types of meditation stand out, and these types have a different intention: relaxation, healing, and transformation. 

Which is the right way? Of course, there is no one right way to live. We are all unique and so are our choices in life. We may not always know how and why we choose, but we all know when something feels right and which intention to set for connecting with life.

Meditation for Relaxation

The world is filled with constant stressors – responsibilities, demands, inflexible schedules, and a lack of space and time to rest. Illness, trauma, and loss add intensity to this mix. It is the rapid pace,  rigid commitments, feeling of lack, fear, and our attitudes toward ourselves that lie at the root of stress. Most people don’t like themselves, and living as someone you don’t like is extremely stessful.

We need time to be quiet and alone, and make that a priority – as essential as sleeping and eating. Our culture is starting to forget what true rest feels like – when we stop doing and start being. But we can set the intention to make time to be without any stimulus.

Meditation for relaxation is about redirecting our attention to the quiet and nurturing parts of life – gentle sounds of nature, the feeling of sunshine, the rustling of a gentle breeze, the sounds of the birds – a break from noise and activity pollution.

There are many CDs on the market that play sounds of nature and guide you through the relaxation and increased awareness of your body. If you have Amazon Prime, you can even get these recordings as part of your membership under the Fitness category.

Setting time aside for yourself is a lifestyle change. It requires you to put your foot down or draw a line in the sand.  Sometimes this change requires a negative shift in your life when you finally accept that overdrive does not work for you. Caring for yourself by resting then becomes a priority and is a key step toward loving the being that you are.

Many practitioners struggle with their thoughts coming up during meditation as a distraction. Sometimes thoughts can be simply observed and allowed to pass by, but during other times they seem too distracting and even disturbing. 

When thoughts don’t just go away, they carry an important message. These thoughts are part of the learning that is taking place while you are resting. Now that you are quiet, these thoughts are telling you about something that is weighing you down, and maybe – rather than being ignored – they need to be attended to. You may want to write them down to consider later, and maybe that will help your body to feel heard. It’s a start.

Another way to study the message of your thoughts is to find them in your body. Although that may sound strange, your intuition can guide you to where a  thought seems to be located in the body – a kind of pressure, tension, or tightness. The body needs to release something and is crying out for your help. What can you do?

You can keep focusing on the body (instead of the thought) and breathe deeply, while holding the intention to let that denseness go. Breathe out the stuck energy – forcefully, even. You may want to move your body to loosen the energy as you keep your attention on the disturbance. In some cases, you may want to talk to someone about what is bothering you with the intention to let it go. Trapped trauma is only going to intensify during meditation unless you have a way of releasing it as it comes up.

Maybe you are angry and sad? Then feel that during meditation – let it work it’s way through your body. Screaming and punching pillows can also help you let go of anger and reset your view of certain situations. Crying without guilt or shame is also a release. Being with pain, rather than running away, is often helpful. Dive right into the discomfort and feel it fully. That takes a lot of courage….

Basically, you need to try different things, explore, and do whatever works for you. This is your work and your time – no one else can do it for you, but some people may help to support you through it. 

Accept the help. Feel the gratitude. Be OK with the fact that someone cares for you and wants to be there for you. Be OK with the fact that you are OK just the way you are. Attend to the signals. Intend to let go of whatever you no longer need. You will then have more energy available for your life’s expression!

Meditation for Healing

Some practice meditation to help themselves and others heal. This kind of practice harnesses energy and delivers it to a recepient or even the planet, if it is karmically allowed. 

One must be very vigilant about who and how to help. We never want to interfere with another soul’s path. That kind of discernment is challenging and many overstep karmic boundaries unintentionally.

Another pitfall of healing work is having the practical knowledge of how to harness and channel energy properly so as not to deplete your life force. This can only be learned from a teacher who knows what they are doing.

Meditation for healing is an entire topic in itself and I may write a separate post about it in the future.

Meditation for Transformation 

Meditation can also become a practice that leads to permanent change in your relationship to the life process. Typically, those who feel disillusioned in life are on the cusp of realizing that they are ready for a teacher. Eventually the yearning for unconditional happiness becomes so intense that a teacher shows up – seemingly out of the blue.

This kind of meditation is very different in intention, which is to expose and unveil the illusions of the Ego – a perception mechanism configured to maintain separation and block union. 

Again, a teacher who knows how to work with the Ego directly is needed to help the practitioner stay on track. Many teachers claim a way to break free from illusion, and yet only a few actually do. But some souls know with their entire being that nothing else will be enough and persevere through the spiritual fire. 

So, here they are – the three types of meditation I’ve observed – in very broad strokes.

If you are interested in a specific topic, have a question, or just need support, feel free to leave me a Comment.

From Mundane to Magical

Life does not have to feel lackluster. When did the magic end for you?

Perhaps there was loss, pain, and anger. Perhaps you realized that regimenting your day made your life “work,” but you paid with your freedom. Perhaps you have seen and felt everything you can imagine. Then, something solid and rigid set in – something that you now call “you.” And that “you” is not someone you love. Without love, magic withers and gives way to the mundane.

It doesn’t have to be this way. The infinite is always knocking on your door, but you make choices to focus on other things. You are free and you can choose to set aside time every day to remember yourself. You can buy a box of crayons and color or draw. You can remember yourself while waiting in line, driving in your car, or sitting on your patio. You can build with Legos. Whatever brings back that curiousity and wonder. 

You can choose to turn your life over to the infinite and become everything you currently seek from somewhere else. It won’t happen overnight, but every gesture builds on the previous. Yearning is never wasted.

Sure, there will be resistance, judgement, and justification. If you can catch these and see these, you know they are not you.

If you could only see yourself the way I see you. There are no words. But you hide from yourself. Could it be that thevsimole practice of meditation is all you need?

There is no one-size-fits-all answer for how to bring your magic back. So you have to take the leap of faith and allow and invite magic back into your life – the kind that begins deep in the heart and knows no separation. The kind that embraces uniqueness and explores, without looking for recipes with pictures and numbered steps.

I know – this is hard. Too much has happened to make us forget. But it’s never too late. Every moment is an opportunity – and the moment knows no time. The moment is indifferent to insecurities and doubt. It is the true magic.

All you have to do in this life is learn to be yourself. You are not your body or your feelings or your thoughts…. So, who are you? Each one has to yearn to know this, and each one needs a different key to unlock the light of the soul. May you rediscover your magic just by putting your attention on it. May you let go of all that you are not… if not in this moment, then in the next…or the next.

Silence Is Being

Behind voice, gesture, emotion, and thought, there is a deep and profound Silence – the who you are that cannot be distilled into words or confined into a static mold. This Silence is dynamic, ever changing, and is the authentic presence that underlies all expression. When touched by our awareness and integrated, there is power in this Silence, whether we choose to use it or not.

My exploration of this sacred Silence did not begin when I started to meditate. Even though I didn’t speak and tried not to move in meditation, the thoughts alone were loud enough. In the beginning, meditation was all about just being with the thoughts because it was impossible to just turn them off. I learned that “quiet” is relative, and did not even have an inkling of Silence.

I stumbled on Silence rather accidentally, when I was steeped in simply being. I was not in any traditional meditation posture, but I was meditating – pure awareness touching the essence of presence. This was the “It” that cannot really be described – just alluded to by art or poetry, hinting at the energy and texture of It. I was learning to navigate these currents and diving deeper into all. I realized that the answer to the age-old question of “Who am I?” can only be explored and – lived. A language that lacks the practice of awareness of being, has no concepts or words necessary to describe that. Hence, Silence.

When I am Silent, I feel a strong wave building and a change in the rate at which time flows, including the subtle gaps between what the senses can communicate. (Yes, there are gaps in our conventional perception of reality.)

This wave is steady and rolls freely without a set course, never crashing on any shore. It is unrestricted and unrestrained, and it is who I am before images, concepts, and perceptions give me form. As Silence, I do not need a form,  a name, or a vestment to be real. I am prior to all the coloring of my presentation – inside or outside the lines. We all are.

I was surprised to learn that being awake  is not a guarantee that I can navigate  everyday life with strength. In fact, I am not yet strong. While there is no need for me to sit in meditation anymore – it is everpresent, living as awareness does not guarantee that others will relate to me without overloading me with their projections. I often hear the same phrase now – that I have “too much presence” – even if I say or do nothing at all. Not all object to this “presence,” but some do.

Because I always look for genuine connection with others, I’ve spent the past six months trying to hone a veneer that would – maybe – make me seem less threatening, if that makes any sense. It is ironic how the one with no agenda could be a threat. But, pulling in my energy didn’t really make others more comfortable around me, and it felt completely unnatural to me. However, there is the dilemma of how being radiantly happy and creative often invites caustic attacks from those who live a different reality…. And I find “protection” a superficial missing of the point.

I could now better understand why some beings choose to live in monastic orders and communities, but I also knew that this was not my path. My path is among others, who are from all walks of life, and being smack in the middle of everyday Western way of life.

While talking to a woman who I had never met before, I was fascinated by her positive outlook on life, her description of friendships, and the way she faced hardships. I asked her if, being this way, had invited backlash for her from the world – people who wanted to squash her light. She didn’t answer directly, but told me a story about how she has to deal with all kinds of situations in standing up for others. And then she added: “You have to know when to be silent.” That phrase just caught fire in every cell of my body. Silence.

When she said that, I didn’t picture  stopping speaking. Instead, I caught a glimpse of stopping hiding who I was – prior to all expression – and not trying to hide. I saw the possibility of being able to create an open space for everyone to be who they are and at whatever level of evolution, which also allowed me to be who I am. Silence took on a new meaning as the power to make room from  authenticity. As unique beings, we need lots of “room” before we acknowledge the illusion of limitations. And we can have all that we need.

Space and time are pliant and freely available. Silence – the full presence – is the force that can bend time and space to invite others to be authentic. In a way, Silence is the unexpressed expression, the underlying truth, and the eternal moment – the unspoken outpouring of the divine imbued with powerful intention that anyone and everyone is welcome. All can arrive as they are without moving a single muscle. 

I didn’t know that I had to embrace the Silence, but now I do. I didn’t know that space and time can bend and stretch to embrace all our diversity, but now I do. Prior to the hustle and bustle, is the Silence, and its power is in its unadulterated Real.

I am this Silence and – it seems – so are you. We only need to feel who we are beyond the structures and appearances imposed by perception. Feeling the Real is power to be real in any job, town or country. 

Silence is life. What would happen if enough of us tapped this reality  for the unfolding of Global Peace, so that we can stop trying to merely survive in a “harsh world” and be free to fully Be? What is the root cause behind our world being so “harsh” anyway?

The Master’s Kitchen

The wind swallowed up the land, and the snow fell in waves – cascading and shimmering under the Moon. Blue and silvery light entered the Master’s home, as if always invited. The Master got up from his warm seat in front of the fire and gently lay another log on the flames, closing his eyes as the shadows danced around.

After several knocks on the door, the Master walked toward it and opened it wide. Several strangers shuffled in with varying gaits. They expressed happiness to finally meet the Master, and he ushered them in to sit by the fire and warm themselves.

He asked the strangers about the depth and texture of the snow, about the brightness of the moon, and which trees they saw on the way to his house. The strangers were smiling with noticeable impatience – why is the Master wasting precious time about the weather and the moon? The road was treacherous uphill, and all they saw was the snow directly in front of their feet. Sometimes their eyes closed, as gusts of wind blew by their faces. And yet, they humored the Master’s questions and responded with strained smiles.

One stranger tried to bring the Master back on track. Her voice was quiet, yet firm. She was trying hard not to appear  like she was interrupting the conversation – parhaps he doesn’t know what they want or why they are here…. “Something is missing from my life – even with all this beauty around me. I want to feel something new and different. I want to be enlightened.” 

The Master smiled at her like a man who was asked to speak after biting into a large sandwich: “You want more beauty? Something a bit more interesting?”

“Yes! I am so bored with everything. The colors of the world have looked gray to me for long time,” she answered uncertainly.

The Master saw anger beneath her quiet, soft-spoken exterior. He also saw the sad eyes of feeling unworthy beneath the anger, and the bright being that she truly was and did not know: “You are still not angry enough or bored enough. You want me to say something wise to you so that your mind can spin on it in busy circles, and then you can be entertained. You’ve come to eat, but I must ask you to leave hungry.”

“So what should I do now?”, she asked in frustration. 

“Do what you want to do,” he said with a gentle smile and waited.

She got up angrily and uttered “What a waste of time.” No longer dressed in niceties, she threw the door shut as she walked out. The fire crackled.

“What have you come to see and hear?”, the Master turned to the man with a thick, wet beard.

“I don’t really want anything. I already see the truth that the world is a cruel place. I don’t belong here because I see it clearly – how we are all just killing each other and the Earth. Sometimes I think I should just not even be here, and that no one cares anyway. If you don’t agree with me, I hope you can prove to me that I am wrong.”

“I cannot prove to you that you are in the right place, at the right time, and doing the best you can do….I can only say that you are not yet disillusioned enough. Your true hope is not to leave your life, but to have life turn around your hardships. You think life is a problem to be solved, and so your mind prevents you from seeing life any other way. You should go and solve a few more of life’s problems, and feel the satisfaction this will bring to you.” 

The bearded man silently tied his coat, and stumbled out into the wind. The door fell shut behind him, and the Master looked at the next stranger, who glanced at the Master with uncertainty.  “I’ve come to tell you that I’ve heard many stories about you and that I have so much respect for how you help people. I am here because I want to help people like you do,” she said.

The Master smiled and asked the stranger, “Someone needs help?”

She was visibly much more animated as she answered. “Well, so many people need help! You are here, so far away from the world, and probably don’t see the hungry, the sick, and the dying. They all need hope and help!”

“How are you so sure that they need help, and that you don’t just need to help?”, he answered.

“Are you saying that people don’t need help, or that I am not the right person to help them, or…both?” Her eyes grew distant as if she were deeply immersed in a complex calculation.

“You grieve about your life and feel helpless. So, wherever you look, you see grief and helplessness,” he answered.

“That’s not true! I can’t believe you would imply that children should continue to go to sleep and wake up hungry, that women should continue to be abused by men, and loved ones should disappear to illness or addiction! That is the truth, with or without me saying it. Why do you help people?”

The Master smiled.

She continued. “I heard about all the people you comforted, gave gifts to, carried forward through dark times…. Why did you do these things if nobody needs help?”

He turned to the fire: “I have not set out to help anyone – only to be present here  fully. Maybe some people felt like this has helped them. Maybe others thought that I’ve been no help at all. Either way, each moment unfolds before me, and I am filled with wonder.”

“Well, you certainly aren’t helping me at all. I was expecting something different – perhaps some guidance and some appreciation of my willingness to help others. I got nothing from you.” And with these words, she walked out into the cold.

Then, the warm quiet took hold of the room, with only one stranger left. She sat  with the Master, while he stirred the fire ablaze.

She said: “I am not sure why I am still here. It just feels right to stay. How can I feel so many possibilities? I didn’t know what I was looking for before I got here, but now I know that this – whatever this is – is what I want.” After a short pause, she continued “I saw a leafless birch under the moon, I think. Let me tell you more about it….”

Life Transformation

Imagine life as a continuous stream of moments, where you feel joy in your every movement and in stillness. 

This life stream feels so natural that it is indistinguishable from you. 

You move, and you feel the true nature of your movement as a gesture of relationship. Your life is timeless. 

You live one long day, and then you move on, always rooted in happiness – regadless of what situations life presents.

It is easy to dismiss this possibility for living. We are taught that happiness is about what we have and how comfortable our lives appear. Power, money, people who say they love us, and a legacy become our goals so that we can someday be happy. So, if life does not present us with the right circumstances, we buckle in misery. Our lives are not sofragile, and our ability to be happy is not conditioned by how much we have achieved, or how much pain we have avoided. 

It is all too easy to fall into a pattern of living where we drag ourselves forward, focusing on discomfort, fear, frustration, and setbacks. This kind of relationship to life is disconnect. Awareness is trapped  inthe palace of the mind, and we watch our lives from a distance. Every situation and feeling is dissected and critiqued, and we react to every judgement.

There is an alternative possibility to living. In this possibility, you are rooted in happiness first – as happiness itself. And this state is not disturbed by any life event. 

You are naturally drawn to explore and feel as fully as you can. Then, life’s ups and downs don’t color perception.

You see clearly the dynamics of life’s situations, and you work with these to the best of your ability. Although you are  innocent, you are not naive. As taught by many masters, such a life is our natural state. This state is real and can become permanent.

The process of meditation restores us to our natural state. While many talk about  meditation as a relaxation technique, this was not its original intent. Instead, meditation with an enlightened teacher was a way to strip away all that was false until our natural state of happiness was all that remained.

Many people talk about spiritual practice as a way to restore health, acquire wealth, and attract people who will love us. However, anything we can acquire – including our lives – is temporary and fragile. That is just reality.

Many people talk about love and service as the basis of life. Thus, spiritual practice can become about acting more loving and offering time and money to others. However, even this approach can result in a feeling “holier than thou,” or feeling entitled to receive only the “good things in life.” 

For many, practicing meditation and cleaning up imbalanced relationships is beyond difficult and even unimaginable – especially if this process takes years. Instead of feeling good and relaxed during practice, you are agitated as  illusions burn away. Instead of feeling satisfaction in money, food, and sex, you feel confused about what is really important. 

So, why bother? Why engage in practice if it does not provide instant gratification of feeling like you have it all? The simple answer is “You don’t need to – just live your life as you want.” Being on a path to transformation does not make one any better than anyone else.

However, you may feel like you have no choice but to be in the world without being of the world. At some point, nothing in life satisfies, and you begins to yearn for freedom. 

With the help of a teacher, you eventually feel freedom from life’s changes – you remain steady amidst any and all storms of life. Service becomes a natural disposition of the heart. Love deepens beyond attachment, and you are more interested in loving than in getting someone else to love you. 

You no longer feel lonely or bored. You love yourself  enough to take good care of yourself and surround yourself with people who are balanced and care about you. 

You use your mind as a tool and are no longer a slave to endless, circular thoughts. You have a clear picture about what is dysfunctional and appropriately stand up for truth without self-righteousness. You feel everything, but emotions pass through you and do not stick to you. And all of this – your natural state. 

Many of us have forgotten that we are not our pain, discomfort, frustration, or reaction. We are also not our thoughts and judgements. We are not our imbalances or beliefs. None of these things need to define us for us to feel real. If we take away our reactions to life and our drive to do, what is left is relationship without any filters or blinders.

From the perspective of happiness, even the simplest actions are awe-inspiring. Every gesture we make expresses our connection to life and to our existence. One simple gesture, sparked by awareness, can ignite a chain reaction of connections, and can only deepen. Every moment has the potential to be expansive.

Ultimately, living is a relationship to everything of which we are conscious. You feel what inspires you, and then you move. You simply allow the next movement, and the next, and lose all interest in judging yourself because you are relating and naturally moving toward emerging needs. 

With every gesture, you forge a stronger bond to your simple committment to express. And that really can be everything because it is always new.