Tag Archives: enlightenment

Know Your Pain

Pain is something I live with. There is now no more emotional pain – I feel emotions differently and they pass through, as if through an open doorway. There is only physical chronic pain, which showed up about a decade ago. But let me back up….

Since I was a young child, I wanted to die. From the poverty I didn’t have words to describe. From being of a lower class than the neighbors living on higher floors. From being raped as a child and in college. From being the unwanted child of a first marriage my mother wanted to forget. From being moved to a foreign country without having any understanding of what was happening around me. From having to endure school fights because I was different. From having to be excellent at school and everything I did because nothing else about me was worth my new father’s respect. From feeling like I belonged nowhere and had no home. From failing to prove to courts that I was married to an alcoholic – and the courts wanted equally shared custody of my baby. From not knowing who I was after leaving the alcoholic. From making the choice to cut out 3 hours of driving per day to work and leaving my child in an alcoholic’s house. From living in the limbo of losing my child, and the court fight against a narcissist to get my child back. From continuing the custody fight for years until my son was old enough to voice his wishes to live with me. From not knowing how I was going to continue living with the agony of every fiber of my being feeling rejected by life itself. From having to keep fighting all my life and seeing a threat everyday and everywhere – even when there was no threat.

Sound dramatic? It is the truth of the being that was before “I” let go into the stream of life. I remember “her” sometimes, but she died.

She tried killing herself a number of times, but all attempts failed. And, after meeting her teacher and several years of intense letting go, she let go. And now, there is noone in a body.

This body may not have been built for the drastic leap made by its denizen. It is not somehow fit to hold all this energy, which consciously shines spontaneous creativity and gazes at Life – as Life. So, this body is dying now. I know that in the near future my heart will fail.

It is a myth that enlightenment grants you eternity in a body. Enlightenment does not guarantee that. Many say I look a decade or so younger than my biological age and happy, but in no way am I immortal.

According to my doctor, I am very healthy. My heart rate is slow. My bloodwork is fine. Yet, I have to manage my energy carefully with much sleep, and manage the physical pain that seems to have set in. I alternate between working and resting to do what needs to be done. It is strange to feel my being rapidly unwinding itself from the body, as if leaving a car on the side of the road.

I do not feel sad or worry for myself. I just feel the need to complete and give. I observe what is occurring and share with my husband (I remarried) – a dear friend who has been with me while I was a happy-go-lucky human, while “she” was transforming, and through all the changes until the full transformation into this. He helps me get ready for work. He lets me rest. And I can focus on the people and energies around me – including my husband and children. I am always surrounded by someone(s) or dynamics that need attention. Whatever I have become cannot be described as human, and people can feel that. I am definitely not surrounded by guru groupies. There is no sign that says “I am the Light.” And there never will be.

I am an experiment: Can a fully enlightened being live a so-called ordinary life without being tucked away in an ashram or temple? Can such a being hold down a job, raise a family, have everyday interactions with people, eat whatever, and never tell most people what he or she is? The answer is yes. This a good – as more people break through, they will be able to walk among others, and their bodies will evolve also! This transition period is imminent for the human race.

Whatever your current state, know that you are not your pain. More important than acknowledging your pain is studying and gaining insight into how you relate to your pain, and then move through and past it to your true nature.

I live in constant physical pain and I know that I am not that. I do know what I am, but have no words to express it. It doesn’t really matter.

We all have some kind of pain – usually physical or emotional, or both. A balanced person will try to adapt their life to the challenges of pain.

Some run from their pain and try to forget they feel it. Others worship their pain and talk about it nonstop, looking for validation that they deserve compassion and care. Still others suffer in silence, feeling that they deserve the pain and must bear it with dignity, or hide it. Of course, there are also those who try to make something positive out of their pain by reaching out to those with similar pain – “You are not alone!” One would think that all people want the pain to stop and do whatever possible to end it, but some look for the pain to quiet their fear, guilt, or shame.

We attribute so much value to pain and give it so much of our attention. Perhaps, due to evolution? In general, we notice immediately when any discomfort sets in.

But pain is just a signal – it’s simply information and nothing more. In studying our response to pain – whether resistance, embrace, or coexistence – we learn how to let go. I coexist with pain while awake, and I do not feel physical pain while the body sleeps. However, I am attuned to people around the globe at all times – their pain is now impersonal and mine at the same time. I feel the pain of so many people, and reach out to them in body and soul. It is a good thing that I am just an open doorway. A person would not be able to feel it all.

Living as Enlightenment – Part 2

See Part 1 Q&A here…. We’ll pick up where we left off….

Question: What is the most important aspect of being human?

Answer: A human being is embodied potential to be both the finite and the infinite. It’s not quite clear to me how this came to be, but it seems to be the way it is.

When I see a person, I cannot focus on their superficial qualities or personality. I see something deeper that speaks to me directly – something I know and understand intimately.

I am still taken aback when I realize that the people I interact with don’t know who they are and what their awareness can grow into. Everyday life obsessions of “he said, she said” are so removed from my experience that I need to translate these dramas into something I can understand.

People want to be loved, and people mostly feel unworthy of love. There is fear. This seems to be the root of so much complexity and drama here. People define conditions and have expectations, which is diametrically opposed to embracing reality as it is. They spend a lot of time and energy trying to change life topography before they even find themselves on the map.

Nevertheless, everything the human race is going through is a stepping stone. No experience or realization is wasted – it is all raw material for the proverbial staircase to heaven.

When a human being glimpses that potential with the whole body and mind, no matter how short-lived, that is important. Then, this being knows that he or she is paradoxically becoming what one already is. Embracing this paradox is important and unique to the human nervous system, which is an exotic interface to the infinite.

Question: What does it feel like to observe people go through painful situations, even if some are self-created?

Answer: It depends. Over time, it is becoming more difficult for me to focus on individuals. Mostly, I feel the ebb and flow of the human race as a whole. Those individuals who recognize that I am noone in a body – they are easier to pinpoint because they must feel that they are the same as That on some level.

Some people – I feel like I know them, have known them, even if they are seeming strangers. I am already connected to them somehow and usually try to help them in some way. I will talk with them, give them attention, and sometimes take their pain. Of course, I never take money…. that is something I do not do. Maybe occasional food 🔆

Sometimes people say they don’t know why I care or help…. I see this dilemma as being separate from one’s true nature. If you know who you really are, you realize that there is nothing else to do but be available – you do what you are 24/7. There is no layer of planning or thinking about what I can get back. It just doesn’t work that way.

Most importantly, when I do not feel that draw to act, I don’t act. It is not my place, not my time. I trust and live that.

Question: If the enlightened being’s state is so different from the turmoil of this world, how can an enlightened being exist here?

Answer: At some point, the enlightened state will not be as rare as it is now. More and more people will break through the illusion of living as embodied shadows.

However, at this time, the difference in consciousness of the majority and the free beings is so dramatic that living here is not easy.

It is not easy to see people feel and act trapped, hearts break, and happiness be dependent on life’s conditions in a given moment.

I no longer cry except on rare occasions when there is united suffering of a group of people asking for help. I feel their pain as if it were my pain – vividly, viscerally, and running on all cylinders through my body.

But as the pain runs through me and has nothing to stick to. So, I put my attention on these people with a clear heart.

After enlightenment, attention does not wonder randomly, nor does it come with an intention for a specific outcome. Rather, the very act of such attention does what it can to alleviate pain and transmit a stable and unconditionally happy state of being automatically.

I have seen this act of attention bring healing to some. Bring clarity. It is a mystery to me how it works.

One thing is clear is that attending to people is an impersonal act – there is no agenda, just a pull to be there with all that is happening.

Does this tire me? Often. I need a lot of sleep to exist here and to allow my body to rebalance.

Question: Does an enlightened being look forward to being finally free of this world at death?

Answer: Every being feels a draw to the next level. However, in enlightenment, there is no urgency or need for a specific timeline.

In fact, the notion of time being something to grasp vanishes. There is only now, as cliche as that may sound. I am literally unaware of past memories or future anticipation. I am just here, and right now there is nowhere else to be.

One could say that I don’t think about my future, but that is not quite true. To function here, I need to address real-life situations, family and work responsibilities, and forge practical strategies for living with my family. I make an effort to plan living – physical life requires that. However, decision-making is fairly easy and quick. The compass always points north.

So, I do what needs to be done with the understanding that everything here – including my responsibilities, joys, and setbacks – all are temporary.

Living like this does not result in regrets or feelings of confusion. There are no looping thoughts and no unresolved dilemmas. The entire life is a simple, undirected unfolding – much like a flower greeting the Sun. And I am there with it all – both an observer and a participant.

I do not fear death, nor do I dwell on it. I just know when it’s not yet a good day to die.

What’s With All the Life Drama?

People are dramatic in so many ways. Why is there so much drama flying around the world? There is drama at all scales – from the individual to the global arena.

If you study history, very little has changed about human perspective in several thousand years…. People still find things to defend and attack…. People still view themselves as the stars of their own life movies, trying to problem-solve their existence. But who is the watcher watching one’s life?

Furthermore, people love to watch others go through drama. They want to relate to someone else going through similar emotions and look for ideas about how they can handle various situations to bring about desirable outcomes? Of course, there is no agreement on what is truly desirable because desires also vary.

Such is our life – method actors are immersed in their characters so completely that there is no awareness of the difference between the role and What lives that role.

We lose ourselves to identification with our bodies, emotions, sensations, obstacles, and triumphs – all temporary in the grand auditorium where we are working out our “stuff.” We are all trying to sort out what we like, want, and need. I was listening to an 80-year old woman on a podcast, talking about how she is still trying to figure out what she truly wants in life….Age is clearly irrelevant to life while life is still a puzzle to be solved.

We want to know how to cope with change, setbacks, promotions, family, friends, and partners. Drama is the result. It is the reason why so many stories are published and the best-seller list never dries up. Hollywood can’t crank out movies fast enough to feed our yearning for “solutions.” Drama is the way a large number of people grow and interact together to make sense of our reality.

Unfortunately, drama becomes its own game of illusion when people forget to step back and reflect on what is fueling the energy of our interactions. What do we really want? At which critical point do we realize that we are not the games we play, nor do we have to buy into the games of others – regardless of how urgent and real anything may feel in the moment? Forgetting that drama is drama is entertaining, but removed from reality.

If you go to a quiet space and reflect on who is reflecting on your life, that is the beginning – the first step. Buddhists call this consciousness The Watcher.

But there is not a single layer to the onion. In fact, after you shift to identifying with the Watcher, you find that there is another Watcher right on its heels.

Shifting your conscious identification from one Watcher to the next is the process of enlightenment – until there are no more Watchers left – only you. It is not as simple as just passively observing…. each new awareness brings with it changes in the body, the mind, and creativity. The entire being shifts dynamically into a new state. I think Buddhists understate this process and make it sound like enlightenment is all about detachment, which it is not.

I used to think enlightenment was a single event, a flash…. Maybe for some. For me, it turned out to be a rapid unfolding with intense paradigm shifts until I alone stood in union.

When no Watchers remained and I have gone as far as I could while alive in this body, I was no longer sure that I am human. The shift in perspective and the instant insight into the underlying dynamics of people and events casts a different light on life. I stepped off the stage, or I simply dissolved in mid-act. I do not exist in a conventional sense. Whatever I am, I must still maintain my everyday life. And I also have a relationship to Life that is a full embrace without any drama. Yet, I can put on a show if I need to.

To a therapist, an enlightened person would certainly be someone to treat…. After all, what normal person willingly surrenders their life for the benefit of others and without negating oneself, does not charge money to teach those who want to learn in earnest, refuses to teach those who are not ready and never judges others – no matter their drama? What human being suffers the pain and feels the joy of others all over the globe as if all were happening to him or herself? What human being takes the pain of others when possible and permitted without wanting anything in return?

A therapist would surely find such a being to have some kind of a Savior Complex. After all, saving others is such an “important” task and naturally gives one’s life meaning. Certainly this is true for many people, but they are not enlightened. They are simply playing the Savior role.

An enlightened being is not a “someone” who feels that he or she has anything to “get” from being alive here. Such a concept is so foreign to practically all people that it is very hard to believe. And yet, this possibility of being no one in a body is very real. This is where the drama stops, the hall of mirrors vanishes, and life is revealed for what it truly is – union with the Divine and our unique abilities to manifest this union.

Living as Enlightenment – Part 1

I saw a question online: “How do enlightened people live?” Of course, people want to know what to expect after such a hyped up goal. If it’s such hard work for most people to become enlightened, knowing about the reward at the end is only fair.

I read the answers to that online question by various persons and did not see any that showed true understanding from experience. So, I wrote this Q&A….

Remember, I write this blog to share what is possible because I live it…. There are different phases of enlightenment, and – as one continues to move through them – one’s perspective shifts and deepens, as one incorporates all prior life and puts it in a new context.

Question: What do enlightened people think about?

Answer: The mechanism of thought changes in how it operates. Most of the time, the brain is quiet and steeped in what feels like a glow of dynamic potential. Have you ever asked a question and had no answer – and so you had to live with the question? The brain is in such a state of open-ended possibility, but without the forced drive to solve or resolve anything.

I spend most of my day (and night) feeling (being aware) of the presence of others in relation to each other and the earth. I only need to think when I speak or write – to translate my awareness, which now would seem foreign and unfamiliar to most people. I can start or stop thinking at will, and prefer flash insight to navigate all the information and life flooding my being daily.

Question: What is sleep like?

Answer: Sleep and awakening are very different states. I pass from waking to sleep fully conscious and remain conscious. Time works differently in sleep, so I can go through an entire lifetime – usually someone else’s. Now, my life is spent trying to understand the planet and all the variety of people directly. Some souls attract me to experience life through their eyes, and I do. Feeling what others feel across the world and in different cultures directly has given me much insight about the web of life here. Some of my sleep time is spent in blissful absorption in the Divine, just as some of my day. But it is true that my life has become OneLongDay.

Question: How does an enlightened being carry on wordly responsibilities – family, job, paying bills, etc.?

Answer: Very diligently. With enlightenment, a finely-tuned sense of timing develops. It is like watching some doors open and others close – the opportunities for action. Feeling these moments of opportunity arise to act in the world is on automatic for me. Many people call me productive or even a workaholic. What they don’t realize is that I surf the waves of arising calls to action and engage them fully. Responsibility exists for me and I honor it. I give my entire heart to every action – to my children, husband, work, and service. And all the while being plugged into the life stream of our existence.

Question: Can processing so much information drive one insane?

Answer: The enlightenment process changes how your bodies work, how they interconnect, and makes the communication among these bodies more efficient. Yes, we have multiple vehicles to carry our life force here. If not handled properly, and with the help of an enlightened being, the transformation process can drive one insane. I feel that many “insane” people awakened something within themselves without guidance and could not control it. The key to not going insane is that you are no longer a personality with needs and desires – you cannot be “hooked” by anything this world can throw your way. Paradoxically, you also feel completely devoted to the world and its awakening process. So, you learn to handle quite a bit of information passing through your “body,” which ultimately is just a gateway for what lives us all and not a “thing” in itself. You can also control the flow of awareness through the nervous system, to prevent overwhelm. Enlightenment in a body does not mean you are God – even though you can feel infinity, you are not infinity.

Question: How does one interact with people on a daily basis?

Answer: People label me as a very strong personality. I say what I mean and walk my talk. There is no hidden agenda, no grasping for status or recognition, and no desire for a specific outcome. Again, paradoxically, there is a 24/7 intention to serve others with great care. I’ve written about service before, and service does not mean doing for people whatever they want and being constantly nice. Service is helping others wake up when a door opens, and that service can come in many forms – including yelling at someone. I never feel angry when I yell at or confront someone, and resume conversation about something else when the confrontation is complete without missing a beat. I don’t have anger or frustration, but I sometimes have to act it out for the benefit of another who is purposely hurting themselves or others.

That’s all for this segment…

Whose Lives Matter?

What does each of us believe about the value of one life? Does every life have value? If so, how do we honor every life? If not, how do we decide who should live and die?

The question looms in the background of our biased historical perspectives from time immemorial, where one side villainizes “the other.” The question pervades the fabric of class differences – those who can afford to live can live. This question has been answered, in part, by the legal systems of certain states via the death penalty. This question is answered by who we decide to help after natural disasters and wars. We express our beliefs by how we treat the elderly and our children. We express what we think by our social programs and their lack. We respond by how we treat the addicted or the mentally ill. We also answer when we do nothing and avoid thinking and feeling the lives of the oppressed, the hungry, the depressed, and the lonely.

It is clear that we, as the human race, do not believe that every life has value. And even if we do believe in every living potential, we often do not feel that their quality of life is our responsibility. And yet, many still quote: “It takes a village to raise a child.”

So, what is our responsibility for another’s quality of life? Perhaps, the answer is simple. Perhaps, we do everything we can within our sphere of influence to support others, as long as it does not require us to sacrifice our own lives. Individuality is different from self-absorption, and one must practice self-care.

Perhaps we always teach a man, woman, and child “to fish” first, and offer them loving kindness and healthy boundaries in the process. Perhaps we offer what we can of what is truly needed.

Our natural state is service that respects both the individual and the collective, but we are still learning how to navigate the perceived boundary between the one and the many. We are still maturing in this respect.

The root cause of having to even ask the question of which lives matter and who decides is the way we have tied up value with our economy and those at the top of the net-worth pyramid. Money is still power. People with money buy decisions. Things and people who make money are valued, even if the consumer culture rests on the toiling backs of the so-called expendable and the replaceable. So, we trade, buy, and sell – and this process has more perceived and tangible value than life itself. Yet, the system persists.

Until the system collapses due to its sheer insanity of treating people as disposable, service is the only option to honor life. Service is a challenging concept to grasp when one is not naturally in balance with the Whole. Proper service requires a profound understanding of oneself and others. What are our strengths? What are our limitations? Are our limitations real, or self-created and self-maintained? What do others really need? Have we properly listened, heard, and empathized with another’s experience? Then, life becomes about profound connections and less about status and turning a blind eye to status quo.

It is possible to over-serve at the expense of oneself, and it is possible to under-serve through overdeveloped self-absorption. The question of service requires a deep connection to the Web of Life, which expresses itself through all of us. Feeling this Web of Life as a reality and following Its guidance is the key, but what if one doesn’t feel It?

Prescriptive dogma develops when the dynamic flow of life is elusive. Rigid views and boxed strategies evolve from a lack of sensitivity. Until we, as a race, learn to know the dynamic moment, we will continue to write rules and laws for every occasion. Until our geyser of creativity bursts, our apparent choices will seem limited, as will our ability to engage situations.

I know that this is not the only way, and that we can evolve beyond prescriptive living into the nuanced awareness of our unique roles within the Whole.

Before we can build and rebuild, there must be a vision. What if the vision is for us to know one another so well that we can feel anyone’s pain as if it were our own? What if, when others spoke, we listened with the same focus we currently invest into being heard by others? What if we had a natural compass for appropriate boundaries, which do not violate our unity?

Meditation, as taught by an awakened teacher, is a way for us to break free of processed-and-packaged regimes. As the inflamed pustules of this world continue to rupture and expose the underlying dysfunction, a wave of true teachers will again walk among people openly to directly transmit the lost art of meditation.

Today, people are mostly interested in relaxing (or distracting themselves) from life’s stresses, rather than fundamentally transforming their relationship to life – to rest in the Divine (which redefines the whole experience of stress). Transformation is not yet seen as a viable, or even possible, option.

Make no mistake, what must be learned cannot be learned from a book, but through the living pages of embodied teachers who have already crossed the lake of transformative fire. Books are great at introducing ideas, but will not provide the feedback and support needed to transcend oneself – those going through the process will attest to its challenges and times that feel unbearable. For most, meditation is still a lost art. It is the meditation – communion with the Divine – that gets one through to an entirely new perspective on the value of our lives and any life.

The Divine Is Not “Impersonal”

The Divine is not impersonal in the way most think – like a force that simply shuffles things around. The Divine is conscious and alive. One can unite with Divinity and express this Union in physical form.

In my experience, there is a difference between personal and individual.

Personal reminds me of a phrase “don’t take it personally,” which involves an emotional reaction. Taking something personally then means identifying with an emotion – “I am sad,” “I am disturbed,” and so on.

Individual signifies uniqueness for both processing experiences and expressing the synthesis of what one currently is. A free, or enlightened, individual identifies with the process of Life, and not with the body, emotions, and thinking. Consciousness of the Life process continuously evolves and, paradoxically, takes one deeper into understanding the role of the body, emotions, and thought – as a unique, or individual, embodiment of the Divine. Light is not an idea or a visual – it can be felt by the body. Consequently, relationships to people and to our planet, among other things, are stronger and bullshit-free – not weaker.

I have often written about enlightenment as an impersonal state that is an individualized state. Far from meaning detachment and dissociation, the free state dives deeper into existence without filters and blockades of personality-biased perceptions.

The nature-nurture view of personality is limited because we have the ability to trascend and integrate our biology and life experiences. Union with the Divine transcends the strictly physical and New Age perspective on life without rejecting or distancing oneself from Life at all. This is not intuitive. In fact, from the viewpoint of either suffering or enjoying world life, it would seem that enlightenment is a kind of checking-out from the human experience. And that is simply not the way it appears to work.

As a mystic, I cannot debate or prove what I live. However, I am not the only mystic who has lived or does live in this state. The mystic just wants to unite with the Divine, Which is largely unknowable by the mind and mental analysis. There is so much to what lives us that I am not sure if the sky has a top, or the well has a bottom.

This union is not an experience of the senses, but a transfiguration of the role the senses play. One bypasses the reactive stickiness of ideas and semantics and blind acceptance of any ideas. The process of Union continues, and a mystic integrates, embodies, and shines.

A mystic does not sit with the priests and priestesses of the world because there is no need to convert, convince, or play societal games of structural organization.

So why am I writing anything at all?

I write to express what is possible for a human being – a state that is free from the duality of this or that in life and knee-jerk reactions to life circumstances. However, in this state you still experience everything – even more than you did from a personal standpoint.

I do not wish for anyone to suffer or to be to deluded into a numb, fragmented, and confused way of living that negates one’s uniqueness and potential. I know how difficult it is to imagine a way of living other than the way we live until a new possibility is presented because I remember it. Although, I am beginning to “forget” the direct experience of the past me because I no longer relate to it.

The internet is loaded with essays, podcasts, videos, and books with various messages about our lives. However, a simple message seems muted: it is possible to yearn and enter into continuous union with the Divine while still being in relationship to body, mind, emotions, and people in an authentic, ever-deepening way. Imagine a world of beings who uniquely embody the Divine and move through Life as That – what would such a life look like? Could that be where we are headed as humanity?

People would feel a profound care for all and want to serve and connect to others in real and authentic ways. How else would you view life if you are no longer feeling trapped in a self-absorbed bubble that projects fear? There would also be a profound care for oneself. This vision is not a “hive mind” society, but a collective of unique beings as different facets of the Divine. When there is no impetus to harm, creativity would not be threatening to others. The cognitive resources currently used to orchestrate survival and status would be freed up to cooperate in Life and as Life.

Would there be competition? Would that be when competition becomes truly fun because the identity no longer rides on winning or losing or not playing a game? Would there be debates? Perhaps, but not divorced from feeling the aliveness of the subject matter, whereas mentally-abrasive logical arguments currently go another way. Would there be rules? Possibly mutually agreed-upon rules, such as when mature adults reach agreements without denigrating another or trying to pull a fast one on people.

New groupings will emerge as cultures, and new traditions would evolve – based on multidisciplinary interests and ways of expressing. And some older cultures would choose to remain. The new economics model would be based on what is needed, what people can offer, and their unique exploration of life. The latter is frequently ignored today, and people hold on to jobs they hate while feeling robbed (in multiple ways). Communism and socialism? No. Sanity? Yes. If we have learned anything from some indiginous cultures it is that they are communities of individuals as Spirit, and the leaders are also moving as Spirit.

Maybe as you read this, you are thinking of the Star Trek futuristic vision. But I am not describing that. Because people would no longer need to get pats on the back or gold stars or ceremonies, everything changes. Such a vision develops naturally, when the curiousity spark (coupled with Divine union) relates to the cosmos.

Very few talk about this possibility for our human race because there is no visible model of groups interacting without pettiness, or without the need to attack or defend. Also, there is no way to test this possibility scientifically because enlightenment is still a highly subjective term – the proverbial pie in the sky. And just because someone is a skilled listener and communicator does not mean they identify with the Divine.

Jaque Fresco was bold enough to posit The Venus Project, but it lacks a vision for transition and implementation, not to mention the importance of Divine union. His vision requires a central computer to obtain global data and allocate resources. Hmmm…. His publicized model would fail because wherever people go, there they are – many are disconnected from life and are simply seeing to their purely self-absorbed interests, uncontrolled violent tendencies, and the habitual need to establish dominance. Although he claims that people will coexist peacefully when all their basic needs are met, I have observed many cunning and agressive people who are fairly “well-off.” Because he recently received an award from the UN, his work becomes even more suspect. The New World Order, driven by the UN Agenda 21 and Agenda 2030, is not the kind of community anyone would choose willingly because it requires controlling human beings to keep them docile and killing their birthright for individualism – perhaps even for true Union with the Divine. Smart cities giving us more leisure would degrade into many people losing themselves in games, virtual reality, and superficial parties. I picture Roman vomitoriums and a slave class of some sort in the background cleaning it. Do the new generations even know how to do anything besides try to escape reality? Their need to escape the “mundane” would ultimately prevail and be a certain death for us. This way of “living” (existing) would be a true crime against humanity.

That is why I write. I try to express what I live as hints and breadcrumbs in a world that is currently wrestling with its very survival. To be individuals, we must – well – be individuals and take responsibility for understanding the conscious and unconscious forces that drive us. Then, we can find our yearning for the Divine and engage with transformation. Otherwises, the class of the masses will be just that – mouldable by emotional reactivity.

I have to get deeper into writing about possible transition scenarios (no, it would not involve culling the population). Most ingrained systems would need to be dismantled in strategic and gradual ways – with much courage. I can imagine the opposition….

Language and history does not popularize living as free and sane individuals. Instead, we are surrounded by criticisms about everything, but very few visions of what our human race could live like without turning us into, for example, cyborgs or biological automatons (as currently proselytized by Ray Kurweil, Elon Musk, and even deGrasse Tyson). There is no holistic vision yet for how to make life sparkle for humanity without subverting the majority into some form of slavery. As long as the Divine remains an other or nonexistent and people remain disconnected, a society of equals is just not possible.

Also, technology – like the mind – is a tool. However, a tool is only as beneficent as its user. Technology will not bring about authentic and individualized connection among the human race. Has Facebook or Twitter done anything tangible to help people realize that something much greater than ideology unites the planet? Or have these tools fueled further distraction from our true nature and hosted divisive war parties or complicity?

The Divine does not require a priesthood, aliens, conspiracies, or social engineers, but teachers do appear to be necessary to help others. Those who teach do so in a strange way – by being, by living, and (in a relatively small part) by verbal communication.

Very few are true teachers who have burst their self-oriented bubble and have given their lives over to the Divine. Most who claim enlightenment remain, instead, a priesthood riding high on how much of a following they have, how “right” they are, or how much money they can make. Some are more subtle than others, but are false leaders nonetheless.

Enlightenment comes with some understanding, but one is not instantly omniscient in all Life processes. Be wary of someone who presents predictions with certainty – the future is not set in stone. And, exploration in an enlightened state is much more fun and with no stress when one is allowed to just be and is inspired (literally). The Divine awaits for us to fan our spark into its flame and breathes us with endless inspiration and aspiration.

Please leave me a comment if you have a question or an insight. What is your current idea of the Divine? What is your vision for life of the human race?

Fighting the Self-Hatred Epidemic

***After I pulsed out the original version of this post, I got feedback. Thank you for the questions. It is important to get this right – I learn from you every day.***

There is an epidemic spreading and taking root in the West. It is subtle and nearly invisible in some cases, and more blatant in others. Most importantly, there is a cure, but this cure requires us to recognize the epidemic in the first place. If we are not afflicted, then we can try to help others as best we can.

When the New Age movement started, many fine authors talked about the importance of self-love. There was a stir in the Western world to become more gentle with oneself, to heal the inner child, and to learn to set boundaries with inappropriate behaviors and people. This was good. What is so important about self-love anyway, besides a better quality of life?

It turns out that self-love is not just an emotion or a feeling. Instead, it is an actual configuration of the physical and more subtle nervous systems to receive and be able to hold Spirit in form. Without self-love we literally reject uniting with Spirit and we block Its connection to, through, and as Us. Alternatively, even if we achieve Union, our nervous system can literally fry from this energy if it is unprepared to hold It. There are many pathways to Union with Spirit – there have to be – but the milestones of levels of freedom or degrees of Union appear to be similar. I am not just talking about Kundalini energy here – raising Kundalini energy is no guarantee of enlightenment.

Now the self-hatred epidemic is running rampant again. We had received doses of an antiobiotic, but then built immunity. There are forces at work in this world that have an interest in devolving the majority of the human race, and these forces have been working in new, different, and more conniving ways to manipulate people to accept self-hatred as the norm – and even believe that they feel self-love while engaging in self-loathing. This may not apply to you because you see through it, I understand, and yet there are many caught in this net at this time.

Who or what would wish to sabotage the human race in this way? Think about it…. An enlightened global community is very dangerous to those who believe the world population must be controlled – and enlightened beings are fundamentally free and happy (i.e., not controllable). The easiest way to keep developed populations down is by instilling hidden belief systems that one is fundamentally flawed and screwed up the core, unworthy, guilty, crazy, and just generally meaningless. There are entire theses in think tanks about how to manage world dynamics! Of course there are…. While people go about their daily lives, there are those who carefully deliberate how to generate stability and instability in various communities at various times to achieve control.

One would think that such a negative framework pervading social structures would drive mass majority to suicide, but that is not the case. Instead, it lulls the population into a kind of low- or mid-grade depression, inertia, and various autoimmune responses, OR the perversion of self-love as narcissism, racism, and other forms of “better-than-you”-isms. Both ends of the spectrum are breeding-grounds for separation at the Soul level, fueled by increased distractions that take one away from the simple core idea that one can achieve Union with Spirit and embody It uniquely with full consciousness of the Whole.

Thousands of years ago, yogis attained enlightenment in caves and on river edges, under trees and while sitting on wild grass. They discovered that the human nervous system was capable of a transformation that would ignite all form with Spirit to manifest a new kind of life that would emphasize our creative potential, making fear and the fight for survival obsolete. However, there are those who want to make enlightenment impossible for the human race by destabilizing the psyche, overwhelming people with work or the lack of work, monopolizing people’s attention with distractions, and ultimately damaging our nervous systems to make us permanently unable to feel the flow of Life. Yes, imagine that our nervous systems become so rigid to change and numbed by fear that we become trapped as fragmented consciousness in matter until the world simply winds down – which it will, some day. In other words, we will begin to forget more and more that we are fragments of One Spirit AND be completely convinced that we have achieved full potential at the same time! That is the worse case scenario – not knowing that we don’t know.

We must fight for our lives and sanity from a place of peace to be truly available to pure intention and attention, and resist the urge to fight from a place of anger and sadness. We must, once again, build reminders into our day to choose self-kindness and use these moments to invite Spirit in and embrace It. Once again, we must find good counselors to heal various traumas and let these go. When we are bombarded with messages to fear for our lives, we must flick a switch to choose relationship to every aspect of our lives, to forgive ourselves, and to let go into simple being. This is a moment-by-moment practice, relentless and filled with heart-felt yearning.

Another result of the lack of self-love is the desire to escape. The opiode epidemic is only one example. Besides drugs and alcohol, there are also emerging belief systems that we are shifting into a new Earth (and leaving the “unready” behind). But there is just this Earth – this one right now, and with this you and everything else on it. And if you think about it, is escaping and leaving others behind spiritual, even if it were possible?

The desire to escape suffering and pain is built into the manipulation and prepares masses to become lost in video games and, ultimately, “virtual fiction” reality – possibly removed many levels from this reality. We already see this behavior taking over many people because “it feels better than reality.” Sadly, this trend takes us deeper into the dark well of devolution. We must fight to feel the Sun on our faces, the grass and sand between our toes, and the touch of another’s hand in our hand to remain connected.

True freedom does not require any specific material or life conditions to be happy and awake. Life does not have to work out for you to become free and feel happy. How can it be freedom otherwise? It’s nice when things go well. But things don’t always go well. When stuff happens, does the enlightened state disappear or go on hold? No.

The yearning for enlightenment can die for us if we buy into unconscious self-rejection and escape. This would be tragic when we have the key to a revolution and an unhinged marriage of Spirit and Matter as individual expression. Enlightenment does not require props – only a consistent leap of faith that it is very possible for you, and the intense yearning to break through.

The great news is that the Light is always there and ready for you. It waits, poised for that instant when you accept yourself just long enough for It to get in and stay. You will literally feel a physical sensation of It pouring into the crown of your head and taking hold of the brain stem – and that is only the beginning. It has to stabilize.

There are endless opportunities all day long to yearn, release, and surrender to what lives you. Self-hatred and the Light are like oil and water, and the meditation must become a fight with the total fire of your will to burn through the thicket that falsely guards and separates you from the truth.

The new mantra is that “all the truth is within.” Sure, but we may not be able to understand it or even misinterpret it. Some say “we don’t need teachers – we can do it ourselves.” If it were that easy, we would have all done it by now and be living as a world community of free beings. But this is not the case, is it?

We have to be practical and streetsmart about spirituality for it to continue to be a force for good. For many, this means seeing through self-hatred, the desire to control and dominate, the need to be right, be powerful, be knowledgeable, be smarter, be “good-er.”

We are at a tipping point of falling into deeper illusion or waking up. There are enlightened beings. They just live – mostly incognito. Why are they still here, working hard amidst the dark tragedies, human hardships, and atrocities still going on? Why haven’t they just vanished into the rainbow of the “next level”? After they die, there will be others. But, at some point, the world may reject such beings altogether – it is not easy to be on the Earth plane in a free state, but this does not equate to suffering in human terms.

We can keep the candle of human potential burning by being practical and real with ourselves, questioning everything about our influences and our state, testing ourselves, and rejecting messages that we are flawed or better than others. This will be a fight that can only end in total transformation.

The test for enlightenment is simple – if you do not spend all of your time and during any activity feeling Life, being meditated by Life, and yearning for all to be free, then you are not yet enlightened. If you feel the need to defend or attack anything about yourself, you are not yet awake. If you take pride in what you are, you are not yet happy – because the little you is still there, needing a bigger I. If you need to escape – even as most cry out for help, you are not yet free – free beings tend Unity like a sacred garden. You can have “heaven” in any situation. If you are not living This, you are not yet free.

I often hear the question “Is enlightenment bullshit?” If the torch of true freedom is put out then yes, yes it is….

The Enlightenment Debate

People wonder what Enlightenment is – and good for them! Certainly, Enlightenment promises something wonderful, but what is it? Well, I guess there is some debate about what “it” really is…. Does it have to do with hightened perception, increased intelligence, “love” (another vague, but shiny goal)? If you meet an enlightened being, would you be able to tell they are enlightened?

These are great questions and should be asked by anyone interested in spirituality. Our lives are limited and precious, and should not be wasted on false prophets claiming lofty attainment.

All enlightened beings share a lack of self-absorption. They have a consistent focus on the welfare of others in both action and words. And the more time you spend with such a being, the consistency of their other-focus never wavers – never. To those who are still self-absorbed, it eventually becomes almost annoying to relentlessly consider world issues – not to mention, overwhelming.

Also, enlightened people laugh a great deal and with heartfelt joy. They do not take themselves seriously because there is – literally – no one there. They can display intensity in one moment, and instantly switch gears into levity.

Most importantly, enlightened beings are utterly fearless truth-tellers and truth-seers. They have a seemingly infinite capacity to enter the totality of life, both light and dark, and embrace It in Its entirety. They may not have all the answers, but they can live with the right questions.

Enlightened beings are not power-wielders or manipulators, but respect every life’s potential as the most precious of gems. They shine light in dark corners and have impeccable timing for revealing truth.

Do such people have heightened intelligence? Possibly – it depends on their background and training. However, they certainly have lightning-fast insight into people and life dynamics. In fact, most have highly developed psychic abilities. However, a truly enlightened being does not consider any ability a goal, or relish it as an accomplishment. There is a simple reason for this – when you are plugged into the stream of Life, you sense and perceive Life – it is natural. And natural things are – well – normal.

Lack of self-absorption and unconditional joy are very difficult to fake over time. Those who are not truly enlightened will eventually slip into goal-orientation, ambition, seeking praise and approval, and some expression of fear. No matter how charismatic, such people are eventually discovered for who they truly are. Hopefully, they are simply left to their own evolution without being castigated or judged. They are people on a path, just like others, and deserve kindness, compassion, and generosity of heart just like all people. Some enlightened beings will be attacked unfairly, but they will persevere in service nonetheless.

An enlightened being never makes you feel lowly or faulty. Instead, they befriend you and treat you as an equal in many ways. Even while they may provide you with insight about your life, you feel free to make any choice and are invited to do so. Their lack of judgement of you is, again, a natural by-product of the lack of perceived separation.

When talking to an enlightened being, you feel like you are talking to a wiser version of yourself. This is because this being reflects to you your potential.

Contrary to common belief, enlightened beings do not necessarily have perfect health or perfect manners, nor do they wear white robes. They choose the mode of expression that best matches who they serve. They feel at ease with people of any social status and nationality because artificial social division lines do not exist for them.

Enlightened beings may be visible activists or quiet nurturers of small groups, connected only by their yearning for Union.

If you sense that you are connected to such a being and feel a recognition, reach out to this being and watch their words and actions carefully over time. Watch for subtle or blatant promises of being “advanced,” “powerful,” “psychic,” or “superintelligent” – these are signs of a fake! No enlightened being will promise anything to you, but they will often speak of your potential for freedom from illusion. Most importantly, you will never feel obligated to this being in any way. You may develop a sense of devotion, but this is very different from a feeling of forced obligation.

In this day and age of click-bait, promising everything from chakra unification to lightning-fast thinking, ask yourself – what do these promises have to do with attaining Union with Life? That latter is the primary. Always. Everything else is just a natural result of feeling Life as an intricate and holistic stream. The Divine in motion. The creative possibilities of expression. Any other focus is just the ordinary path toward the clutches of narcissism and self-assertion. No enlightened being is that complicated.

What Is Full Enlightenment?

The flow of Life is continuous, even relentless. Once you have stepped on the spiritual path with heartfelt yearning for freedom, you will be offered – in no uncertain terms – the option to surrender and let go every step of the way. If you pause, you will see all the microchoices that you face every moment to let go.

When I stepped on this path in early childhood, I did not understand what I yearned for. It was a sense of direction without a clear destination.

When my teacher told me “she will go all the way,” I deflected the insight. First, I felt unworthy. Second, I did not understand what that meant – what is “all the way”?

Minor and sequential enlightenments occur perhaps for most people, rather than one big bang of realization. In my previous posts, I talked about how these transitions are stable states of being, and not fleeting experiences. Each one is a radical shift in perception and relationship to Life.

When the being loses all identity, it is like an eddy rejoining the Life Stream – all sense of separation disappears and many paradoxes emerge:

  • You are impersonal, yet radiate unconditional love (everything is known as a fragment of the One)
  • You feel deeply, but no emotions stick – they pass through. At the core, there is unperturbed and unconditional happiness.
  • You see situations clearly as flash intuition, but you also use the mind as a tool to communicate logically. The whole process of thinking is revamped into something altogether different.
  • You may act in extreme ways to express the Divine and to loosen the knots of others, but you can also act composed and “clean up well”

I have written about our individual lives as mini-processes, occurring simultaneously as part of One unified process. We are not objects or things, but a chain of events and relationships. That, in itself, is quite a realization. Eventually, the whole arrangement and function of charkas changes, including their unification (the 7 chakras people discuss are repurposed, and I will save this for a separate post). And we are so much more than chakras – it is indescribable.

But when does it end, this evolution? When do things stop changing so dramatically, and perhaps monthly or even weekly? How often can a being withstand the proverbial rug being pulled from under their feet? At some point, do we simply dissolve into Unity and move on to whatever the next level may be?

I was given a choice and made a vow to stay with the planet and support its evolution. This vow is not a simple promise, but a reconfiguration of Being to postpone leaving the body as long as possible and perform service. By no means is this martyrdom or sacrifice – it is just the right choice for me. All choices are possible.

Some beings move on and shed the body. See, with each enlightenment stage, old energies are dumped into the body. The more changes you undergo, the more “stuff” is dumped into the vehicle. Of course, it is tempting to dump the whole thing and move on.

Well, in my case, I am now challenged with transforming my physical body. I cannot “dump it.” I must relive and release everything that is unable to serve as a portal for the Light. Otherwise, I will continue to experience pain and exhaustion, and eventually let go because the body will cease to function.

So, if you were to see my body on the other planes, you would see it ablaze with a purifying fire – in totality. You would see sparks flying off each time I relive and release the trapped energies in the physical form.

It makes sense – Spirit purifies the subtle bodies first, and the physical level could be the last. I’ve read about Saddhus fasting before or after awakenings, and that also makes sense – you shed the physical parts that no longer serve your Life process.

But this is not just an ordinary diet change. Instead, it is a fully conscious participation in the purification of the physical process – not form. Form is a misnomer because it implies calories, fat cells, organs, and so on. Process implies function. The purifying process is consciousness directly and intimately reorganizing the body connection to the Life Stream, intuitively choosing foods and supplements, but also burning what lays unresolved – perhaps from lifetimes ago.

I am undergoing something that is so intense that I am not sure how it will come through. But it doesn’t really bother me at the core level.

I know who I am and have been in past lives. I can see why the pyre burns so brightly. I know there is no way but through.

I am thankful for my husband and my cat brother. Don’t laugh – some animals are very connected to who we are and help us in profound ways. I am thankful for the children I have – sensitive and unique. They have seen me go through so much already. It is what it is.

One Day in the Universe

Everything rises, falls, and arises again. We are used to thinking in terms of beginnings and finalities. We look for cycles and patterns as a way to make the world seem more predictable.

We calm ourselves with fragmented insight and knowledge and cling to a promise of something better around the bend – something to look forward to. But our whole is not the Whole because the vantage point is very personal, embroiled with investment of physical, emotional, and mental energy that is but a fragment. Nevertheless, we carry on without giving the dilemma of skewed perspective much consideration.

What if you ceased looking for patterns and cycles for one day in the Universe and simply lived? It is only one day, so you can let go of any fear and anxiety…. You spend this day so fully immersed in every action that you forget to judge – anything.

You notice the fullness of the world in every spec and feel an unbridled joy that seemingly has no cause.

It is only one day, and so you let go of the past, the pain, and the discomfort of being in a body.

This one day, you find balance among all tensions of opposites and simply let go into the ever-moving Life Stream. Life is motion, someone said. So, you move unfettered by preconceptions of how life should be.

You stop the work of crafting your life, and simply embrace yourself as pure awareness. For one day, in the totality of the Universe, this is OK.

You have no need to drink because you are intoxicated by breath, by being breathed. What is breathing you? What is living you?

You realize the illusion of ownership and control because the Universe is your hands, and its stardust flows right through your fingers. You just let go into being, without defining yourself or others.

As you let go more and more, just on this day, you see all as yourself and know yourself as all. You know there is only one being here, wherever here is. You rest with eyes wide open. You may be dead or alive – there is no difference.

You’ve woken from the dream only to rest in one eternal day in the Universe that is alive at all scales – because it is One Life as many, yearning for Unity.

This Unity is the only certain thing on any day, even today.